Drive(39)

My father put an end to my mother’s scrutiny, telling her she was very much the same way when they were younger. My mother had taken serious offense, and that was one of the biggest fights they had in their marriage, which only proved my dad’s point. He still pokes fun at her about it to this day. I still remember his words to me when I got into a fight at school. I was crying in his lap.

“Boo, listen. You can’t go beating up everyone that pisses you off. Use your words, I promise you they are much better weapons. But be careful with them because bruises heal.”

It was the typical sitcom, father/daughter talk, except his next words resonated the most.

“You are so much like your mother. She doesn’t see it, but I do. Just remember when you’re yelling, you’re hurt. And whoever hurt you probably loves you just as much.”

I was an emotionally charged woman as well—passionate—just with a little better grasp on how to deal with it, and music was my outlet. It was my sanctuary where I could bleed, get angry, or hurt, without consequence.

Everyone, at some point in their life, breathes and grieves through song, but for me, it was daily therapy.

When a certain song plucked those strings in my chest, I felt it all, and it was freedom. Those songs didn’t judge or tell me I was a fool for feeling the way I did. They told me they were with me. It was how I balanced my life and my passion.

Sometimes I envied those girls who had a better hold on their emotions and could reel them in and keep it together. But I wasn’t them, and so I found my solution in sound, and in that, I found my calm.

I ended up walking around the park across the street, drunk and muttering to myself like a lunatic. I heard Paige call my name and ignored her. After several miles of an alcohol-driven nature walk, I went back to the apartment and was met with the furious eyes of Reid Crowne. He glared up at me from the bottom step, stood, and then took off toward his place. Paige was just as pissed off inside. “Where the hell have you been? You’ve been gone for two hours!”

“I took a walk,” I defended as she shut the door behind me.

“In the middle of the night?”

“Stop worrying about me!”

“Reid walked the complex the whole time. He has a shift in four hours!”

Guilt surfaced as I stood staring at her. “I was at the park across the street. I’ll apologize.”

“No, you stay away from him. His life is complicated enough without bringing in your drama.”

I bared my teeth. “My drama? I took a walk.”

“Stella,” she said on a long breath, “just stay away from him.”

“Who the hell are you to tell me that?”

Her eyes narrowed. “Your sister and his best friend. I know you both. This is the last thing either of you needs.”

I pushed, exhausted. “What thing?”

“Look,” she said, ignoring me as she began collecting beer bottles, “we talked about it and we both agree it’s for the best.”

“You talked about it?” I felt my body tense with anger and humiliation. “You had a conversation with Reid about whether or not we can . . . What in the hell, Paige?”

“It’s for your own good and his.”

“Are you kidding me?” I said with my arms crossed, cringing and fuming. “Let’s get one thing straight. No one, not even you, dear sister, gets to make those decisions for me. I’ll be out of here in a few weeks, and after that, your job is done. You get to be there for me, but not govern me. I don’t do well with authority, and you have crossed the fucking line.”

Paige gawked at me. “You hated him.”

“I still do,” I said as I snatched the trash from her hands. “Just go to bed, and thanks for humiliating me.”

“I’m just trying to keep you from getting hurt.”

“The only one that hurt me tonight was you,” I lied. Reid’s rejection stung, but the whole thing was already disastrous and apparently had been decided. “And for someone who speaks so highly of him, you sure are changing your tune.”

“Before you get all fixated on him, you should probably know the truth,” she bit out. “That accident he got into? He was driving drunk, and before the cops came, he put Lia in the driver’s seat.”

I cringed as the gravity of it hit me. “She was almost arrested. He slammed them into a telephone pole and nearly killed them both, and he was willing to let her take the fall for it. And that’s why she left him.”

He couldn’t be that asshole. Not Reid. But maybe he was that asshole. Maybe that night was the cause of the guilt that weighed on his back. His anger went inward. It was plain as day.

“She loved him with all her heart, and he hung her out to dry. Is that the kind of guy you want to get involved with?”

I swallowed hard. “He hates himself for it.”

“And that’s the only reason I don’t hold it against him. He’s trying to make it right, but make no mistake, Stella, that’s who he is.”

“That’s not who he is. It’s a mistake he made. God, do you hear yourself? With friends like you—”

“Don’t you dare,” she warned. “He’s got problems, Stella, and he’s truly trying to straighten his life out. Neil and I are behind him, always, but he’s not for you.” She sighed as she watched me absorb her words.