Draw (Gentry Boys #1)(32)

Millie found me still curled up in a sobbing heap and dropped her purse in alarm. “Saylor,” she soothed, searching my face and pushing the hair out of my face as a mother might. “What happened?”

And for a moment I just clung to her like a child. A few deep breaths later I was able to speak again.

“Let’s just say things didn’t go well in Cali.”

Millie’s luminous dark eyes looked me over. “Dammit, what did he do to you? Wasn’t Cord there too?”

I closed my eyes. “Cord was there. Devin and I started arguing and Devin came after me. Cord was outside and when he heard the commotion he broke the door down.”

Millie’s mouth hung open. “Oh my god.”

“Yeah.” I swallowed and grimaced. “Jesus Millie, you should have seen him. Cord was out of his head. He went for Devin with no humanity. For a moment I thought I was about to watch a man die.”

Millie folded her hands in her lap. “But you didn’t.”

“No. I kept holding onto Cord and screaming while he kept hitting but he couldn’t seem to hear me. And then suddenly he did. He looked at me as if he was surprised to find me there. Crap, do you have a tissue?”

Millie handed me a small package of tissues from her purse and looked at me expectantly.

“Then what, Saylor?”

I blew my nose and recalled the sound of Cord’s voice in that moment. It was deep, guttural. It meant the words which came out. Those words were tough to repeat. “Then he told Devin he’d kill him if he called the police or came near me again.”

“What do you think this Devin character will do now?”

I had given that some thought on the drive home as I looked out the window and silently watched one state turn into the next. “I don’t know. Honestly I doubt he’ll do anything. See, that’s the thing about Devin. He’s got the heart of a coward and he’s not going to risk himself even for revenge. Cord had him pretty well figured.”

Millie frowned. “Where’s Cord now? I get the feeling there was a bit of a showdown between the two of you.”

I pulled a pillow into my lap, feeling desperately unhappy. “There was. I don’t know, something happened to me when I saw him lose it like that. Then he tells me he earns a living by fighting in some kind of underground blood ring.”

Millie nodded vaguely. “Yes, Brayden had mentioned something like that.”

I was surprised. “Bray knew? Might have been nice if he’d shared that speck of data with me.”

She shrugged. “Maybe he thought you knew. Or maybe he figured it shouldn’t make much of a difference.”

“Shit, Millie, how could it not? You know what it was like growing up watching those guys? Seeing them violently bowl over anyone who got in their way? Everyone knows what the Gentrys are like.”

“I don’t,” she said simply. “What are they like?”

I exhaled raggedly. “Sexy as hell and scary as shit.”

“Saylor, are you afraid Cord would hurt you like Devin did?”

“No,” I answered immediately. “No, Cord wouldn’t do that, not to me.”

“But you don’t trust him.”

I shook my head. “I don’t know,” I said sadly, “I suppose I don’t. I mean, at the end of the day he’s still the guy who f*cked me as a joke and beat the shit out of anyone who ever disagreed with him. Maybe it’s not his fault. Maybe there’s no getting away from what you were born into. And Cord was born a Gentry.”

Millie looked away. She seemed unhappy. “I’ve seen you judge yourself harshly, Saylor. It seems you’ve decided to judge everyone else harshly too.”

Her words stung a little. The tears threatened to return. “I know. It’s pretty shitty of me, huh? What business do I have judging anyone? There’s not a whole hell of a lot I can point to with pride. God, I wish I could be like Bray, you know? There’s a bald, simple truth in the way he sees the world and everyone in it. It’s like those thick glasses give him a crystallized view into everyone’s soul.”

She gave me a faint smile. “Brayden doesn’t care what other people think. He lets his heart tell him where to go.”

I nudged her and tried to offer a watery grin in return. “I’m glad it led him to you. I love you for making him happy. You two are the archetype for the perfect couple.”

Millie didn’t appear to be listening. Often, when a person wrestles with something which is painful and complicated, the internal struggle is evident on her face. Millie wore such an expression now.

Finally she took a deep breath and spoke. “After I came to this country my parents chose the name David for me.” She tilted her head and looked at me evenly. “That was the name people knew me as until I graduated from high school.”

I blinked. “And then you became Millie?”

She smiled. “I was always Millie.”

I didn’t understand. Yet, suddenly I did. Millie watched my face and when she saw the comprehension dawn on me she nodded and began explaining. She told me what it was to be trapped in a body which felt alien to you from the time of initial self-awareness, an identity which was fundamentally mismatched with your soul. Even worse though was the stark insistence by everyone in your life, everyone who was supposed to love you, that you were wrong. They claimed to know you better than you knew yourself. Look in the mirror, they told you. Look, here is your name written down. You are mistaken. You are confused. It will pass. When you grow into a man you will see.