Draw (Gentry Boys #1)(20)

“You’re a good swimmer,” I observed when she came up again. “Better than I am actually.”

“The ocean,” she nodded. “I was in there every chance I got. Fighting your way out and then fighting your way back in builds up your endurance.”

“Kind of like life.”

She laughed. “So now Cordero Gentry is a philosopher?”

“Cordero Gentry is a lot of things.”

“Tell me,” she said, shaking out her hair.

It had grown completely dark. I heard the bustle of people coming and going from the apartment complex but we were still alone in the pool. I joined her on the side. “You want to hear how I learned how to swim?”

“Sure.”

“Well, my dad decided one night when we were about eight that we were going to learn or die trying.” I paused, thinking about being yanked out of bed by the cruel hand of Benton Gentry. “I’m sure you know the community pool, over on Main?”

Saylor nodded.

“Well it was about midnight so the place was closed. Shit like that never stopped my father though. He cut through the padlock on the gate and hauled us inside. I have to say, I was piss scared. We all were. Chase was even crying a little. You see, we knew well enough by that point that if old Dad thought it was a good idea, then it was likely to hurt in some way. And we’d only even been near a pool a few times.”

“Where was your mom?” Saylor asked gently.

“Passed out,” I shrugged. “High. Who knows? Anyway, there were no lights on anywhere. I stared down into the black place where I knew the water waited and wondered if I was going to die.” My voice grew hoarse with the memory. No one knew this story but my brothers. I cleared my throat. “Benton threw us in one at a time. Creed was always the quickest, the strongest. He managed to get to the side first and climb out. I could hear my dad yelling at us to get our lazy asses out of there. Chase was thrashing beside me and the old man was laughing his goddamn head off. I kept going under but every time I did I pushed my brother over to where I knew the side was. Creed was reaching out for us, shouting that we were almost there. Then I went under again and couldn’t get up. I opened my eyes and saw nothing. There was nothing. I knew I couldn’t hold my breath for more than another few seconds. And I knew when I did open my mouth, it would be over. When some hands grabbed me I thought it was already over. Then I broke through the surface, dragged there by my brothers. Creed had anchored himself to the side and held onto Chase as he caught me and pulled me up.”

“My god,” Saylor shook her head. Her voice was pained. “Cord.”

“Hey,” I nudged her. “No, I didn’t tell you that so you would feel all sad for me. I just wanted you to know that rotten shit happens. It just happens and even if you survive it can twist you in a way that’s tough to undo. Saylor, I’m sorry that bad shit happened to you.” It was hard to say the next words. “I’m real f*cking sorry for what I did to hurt you.”

She sighed thickly. “You think the reason I ended up with a guy who beat the crap out of me was because of you?”

I wasn’t explaining it right. “Not exactly,” I told her. “But the things that happen to us can affect the direction we go later on.”

Her face was sad. “You messed me up pretty bad back then. I’m not going to sugar coat it. You know, I’d never even really been kissed before that day. I’ll even say that I hated your goddamn guts.” She sighed and clasped her hands in front of her. “But what happened later, with Devin? I allowed it. I conjured every creative excuse there was and I stayed. So I can’t lay that on you, Cord. That’s on me.”

I wanted to hold her more than I wanted my heart to keep beating. She leaned her head against my shoulder and I impulsively kissed her forehead. I knew that was as far as it could go right now.

Saylor looked down and with the lightest of touches, ran her fingers across the stark black words written in script on my chest.

“Vincit qui se vincit,” she read aloud.

“Know what it means?”

Her nose wrinkled as she tried to puzzle it out. “Something about winning,” she guessed.

“Close. ‘He conquers who conquers himself.’ Chase has a thing about Latin.”

Her face was inches away from mine. “Have you? Conquered yourself?”

“Sometimes,” I told her honestly. She seemed to accept that.

We hung around the pool for a little while longer, not really saying much. With her, it seemed all right to be that way. As I watched Saylor carefully wrap a towel around her body I stopped feeling guilty over how much I wanted her. I’d boned from here to the sky with a huge collection of girls and I’d rarely given them much thought. Even the ones who stuck around for a while were always on borrowed time. I couldn’t seem to find a single one who mattered. But Saylor had gotten to me in a way that hurt.

“I’ll walk you back,” I offered.

She bowed her head and fell into step beside me. “I’d like that.”

We heard shouts here and there, drunken laughter. The night was nice though. People who didn’t live in the desert often didn’t realize what a dramatic temperature difference could exist between night and day.

“So what’s going through that head of yours?” I asked her, afraid of the answer, afraid she was thinking of the first time she’d taken a walk with me and what had happened after.