Down and Out(69)

The gym’s a blur as I jog outside, then take the steps two at a time up to my apartment. I throw the front door open and call out her name, but I’m only met with silence.
Where the hell did she go?
Pulling my phone out, I scroll through my contacts and dial her number, but instead of ringing, I get loud beeping and an automatic voice saying, “This number has been disconnected.”
I pull my phone back and frown, looking at the screen. I called the right number. . .
Before I can get too worried, I hear someone walking up the stairs, and I stick my head out of the door, seeing Savannah coming up. My relief is momentary, because as soon as I see her face, I’m reminded that she plans on using it as a punching bag and I’m livid all over again.
I’m pacing around the foyer when she appears in the door and stops dead at the sight of me. There’s no hiding the enraged look on my face.
Stalking over to her, I pull her inside and slam the door behind her. “When did Jimmy approach you?”
She looks up at me, brows drawn. “Excuse me?”
“Don’t play dumb with me, Savannah. When?”
Jerking out of my grip, she scowls at me. “Last night. After you left to get the car.”
That sneaky son of a bitch.
I’ll kill him. I swear to God, I’m gonna kill him. I don’t care how much money he has or how far his connections go.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I demand, following her over to the couch, where she dumps her purse.
“Because I didn’t seriously consider it at the time. I was too busy having my heart ripped out by the one person I was dumb enough to let close to it.”
She might as well have slapped me across the face.
Her words reverberate through my skull, piercing me with every ricochet. Who knew such a pretty mouth was capable of saying such ugly things? My eyes burn as I choke out, “That’s not fair. I never meant to hurt you.”
Her eyes flicker and she looks down. Remorse is written all over her face, but she doesn’t apologize, and I know she won’t. She’s too stubborn.
I’m not sure which hurts more—what she said, or what she doesn’t.
My jaw clenches as I stare at her. “If you didn’t seriously consider it last night, then when did you? When the hell would you have time to—”
I’m such an idiot.
Shaking my head, I scoff in disbelief. “That’s where you were right now, isn’t it?”
“No, I was having coffee with Macy.” She looks down at the floor as she says, “I called him while I was out.”
“So that’s it? You just tell him you’ll do it without even talking to me about it first?”
Indignation flares in her eyes, and I know where she’s going with this before she even says it.
Savannah narrows her gaze on me, giving me a look so lethal I have half a mind to shield my balls. “I didn’t realize I needed your permission.”
“That’s not—” I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose.
I didn’t want her to ask me if she could do it, I wanted her to ask me if she should. This is not a lighthearted decision, and as someone who cares about her safety and well-being, not to mention someone who knows firsthand what it’s like, I would have liked to be included in her decision-making process.
I’m not mad because she chose to do it, I’m mad because she chose to do it without me. I was starting to think of us as a team, but now I realize how stupid that is. It’s always been Team Savannah, and it’s always going to be Team Savannah. I’m just her pathetic cheerleader, stuck on the sidelines.
“This isn’t a game, Savannah. You could get hurt.” Could get hurt? Try will get hurt.
“So you can do it, but I can’t?” She crosses her arms over her chest. “That’s a little sexist, don’t you think?”
“I know what I’m doing! I’ve trained for years. You can’t just throw one punch and think that’s good enough to get into the ring.”
“Don’t you think I know that? Don’t you think I’m well aware that I could get my ass kicked?” She huffs out an exasperated breath and says, “I’m gonna use the money for school, Declan. It’s the only way I’ll ever be able to afford it.”
My fists clench as I pace. Impotent rage burns in me, and I’m dying for something to hit, throw, or break. “If you need money, I’ll give it to you. I’ll triple what he’s paying you if you don’t go through with this.”
“I don’t want your money!”
I whip around and face her, returning her glare. “But you’ll take his? What’s the difference? Money is money.”
Her bottom lip trembles. “I didn’t sleep with him, that’s the difference.”
Shit. I didn’t mean to hurt her feelings. Now I feel like an *.
Crossing the space between us, I take her face in my hands. “Don’t do this, Savannah. Please.” I can’t bear the thought of anything happening to this face. It’s tearing me apart.
She relaxes into me and says, “It’s just one fight. I made that very clear when I talked to him.”
Bull-f*cking-shit. I’ve heard that line countless times. “It’s never just one fight, not when that much money’s at stake. People get greedy. People get dangerous. Shit like this happens,” I say, pointing to the fading bruises on my face.
“It’s just one time,” she says, dropping her eyes.
Nothing I say is going to change her mind. She’s doing this, whether I want her to or not. No amount of begging will work. She’s going to get hurt, and I can’t stop it, I can’t protect her from it. The realization is crushing and makes my heart ache in a totally unfamiliar way.