Down and Out(47)

I hate that he’s right. The whole concept of cuddling strikes me as awkward and weird, and needless to say, I’ve never done it before. But how does he know? How can he read me so well? And why does his touch only make me want a thousand more?
He turns on his side so he can face me better, and I do the same. Reaching between us, he twirls my hair around his finger, and I can’t help but smile. “What is it with you and my hair?”
He shrugs with his free shoulder. “It’s soft. And it smells incredible. All I could smell on my pillow today was this,” he says, bringing my hair up to his nose as he inhales.
I freeze in horror. “I forgot to wash your sheets.” How could I forget something like that? And after all that I did on them every single night. . .
The wet spots might have been an exaggeration, but the rest wasn’t. His bed saw a lot of Savannah-on-Savannah lovin’. I even got off on the fact that it was his bed and his sheets.
My hands cup my face, covering them in shame. I could die right now.
He takes my hand in his, pulling it away from my face, and kisses my knuckles. “I’m glad you didn’t,” he says between the feather-light touches of his lips to my skin. “I like smelling you all over my bed.”
Who is this beautiful boy, and what has he done to me? I’m lost in the green flecks of his eyes as I murmur, “What are we doing? What is this?”
He presses another kiss to the back of my hand. “It’s whatever you want it to be.”
A crease wrinkles my forehead as I stare at him. “I don’t know what that means.”
“It means I’m here, for as long as you want me.”
My breath leaves me in an exasperated huff. What the hell kind of line is that? And what does he take me for? I know how this works, and I know how this will end. “You mean you’re here until you get tired of me.”
His brows pull tight so fast I’m surprised he doesn’t reopen the cut on his eyebrow, but I sit up and continue before he can say anything.
“I’m not stupid, Declan. We’ll have fun for a bit, but then the novelty will wear off and we’ll be stuck working and living together.” Guys leave—it’s just what they do. Why would a gorgeous guy like Declan, who can have any girl he wants, be any different from the status quo?
His mouth opens then shuts as he stares at me, looking dumbstruck and completely offended all at the same time. “You don’t know that,” he says, sitting up.
“And you do?”
Now he just looks pissed. “No, I don’t, but I’m willing to find out. That’s the whole point, Savannah. I’m open to the possibility of us.” He sighs and bends his knees, resting his elbows on them. “Please don’t write me off without giving me a chance. The world’s not gonna end if you let me in.”
I know he’s watching me, but I just can’t meet his eyes. Instead I look down at the blanket, watching my fingers draw lines in the dense, gray microfiber. “My world will end,” I mumble.
“It won’t end, it’ll just change. And I think it already has. You’re just too close to see it.”
His hand covers mine, making me look up at him. “You can’t honestly tell me you could walk away from me tomorrow and not be the tiniest bit affected by the time we spent together. I know it’s changed me, and I’m willing to bet it’s changed you. You’d miss me, Savannah, and it’s okay to admit that.” A ghost of a smile touches his lips. “You’re allowed to have feelings, you know. No one’s going to judge you for being human.”
People have come and gone my whole life. They’re interchangeable to me.
But Declan. . . Declan, I would miss. He’s right. But I’m not ready to admit anything I’m feeling because I don’t know what I’m feeling. I’ve never felt any of this before.
How can I articulate something so foreign if I don’t know the language?
Instead of asking for help, or asking him to be my translator, I give him a small smile and say, “You’d miss me, too.” What can I say, I’m stubborn.
He nods slowly. “I would. But I’d never let you leave in the first place.” His ghost of a smile grows, and I’m mesmerized by the way it lights up his face.
Have I mentioned how much I love his dimples?
“Is that right?” I ask.
He nods again, trying to seem solemn. “I’m afraid so. You’re stuck with me now, Kitten. I’m like a plastic sack that’s wrapped around your tail. No matter how fast you run, I’ll always be right behind you.”
The visual of what he’s just said has me practically cackling. I fall back onto the bed, laughing so hard I can’t breathe, so hard I have tears running down the sides of my face. I’m torn between clutching my stomach and wiping my eyes.
When I finally calm, I see Declan lying next to me, propped up on his elbow. He’s smiling down at me.
“I don’t doubt that,” I say, wiping the moisture from my face. “You’re very . . . persistent.”
“Just with what I want.” He wipes away an errant tear that I’d missed, but his hand lingers on my skin. “Your laugh is third.”
“Third what?”
“My third favorite sound.”
Of course he has to go and say that. Right when I’ve managed to get air back into my lungs, he has to go and deflate them. “Are you sure you’ve never wooed a girl before? You’re very good at it.”
“I’m not trying to woo you. I’m trying to ruin you for all others.”