Down and Out(20)

Except when it comes to Declan. Then you’re a fiery, passionate bitch.
My scowl deepens at the little nagging voice inside me. She’s not exactly wrong. He gets to me like no one else ever has. Whether that’s a good thing or not, I still haven’t decided.
Declan and his brother come into view as I take a few more steps. “I can’t right now, but maybe—”
Declan’s words die as he locks eyes with me. “Uh. . .” He looks back at his brother. For the first time since entering the room, I do too, and see him staring back at me with a knowing smile.
I immediately look away, feeling my cheeks go from pink to a shade of red commonly reserved for fire trucks.
Good looks apparently run in Declan’s family, but they don’t look that much alike. At least, I don’t think they do. I don’t know. It was kinda hard to tell from the .004 seconds I was able to keep eye contact with him before it felt like I’d spontaneously combust from embarrassment. Hell, they could be twins for all I know.
Movement catches my eye and I look at Declan. He’s shaking his head, almost like he’s trying to clear it. “Sorry. Savannah, this is—”
“Blake. Hi, nice to meet you.” His voice is all sexy, warm, and deep—a definite bedroom voice. Despite my best efforts, I glance up at him again, seeing a panty-dropping grin to match. “Sorry about walking in on you like that. If it makes you feel better, I’ll give you a peek at my junk to even the score.” He winks at me. “I promise you won’t be disappointed.”
Is death by humiliation a real thing? Because it seems absolutely possible in this moment.
My face scrunches up into something that can best be described as a grimace. “Please stop talking,” I say, holding up my hand.
“You’re not embarrassed, are you? ’Cause, baby, let me tell you, you’ve got nothing to be—”
His words are cut off by Declan’s fist slamming into his shoulder. Blake glares at him as he rubs it, while Declan looks at him incredulously and says, “What the hell, man? Did you have a big bowl of stupid for breakfast?”
I’m thankful for Declan’s interjection, but still beyond mortified. I hope to God that Blake doesn’t live here, because I won’t be able to face him every day, knowing he’s probably picturing me naked every time I see him. “Declan, can I talk to you for a sec?” I turn and head back down the hall to his room.
A few seconds later, he’s closing the door behind him as I cross my arms. “I’m sorry about my brother,” he says. “He’s a special kind of stupid.”
“Does he live here?”
“Nah, he just stopped by to talk to me.”
I’m pacing the foot of his bed, biting my thumbnail, when he asks, “Are you okay?”
Stopping, I face him. What a stupid question. “No, I’m not okay! Your dipshit brother walked in on me in the shower, Declan. He saw me naked. I can’t—” I shake my head, trying to swallow the knot forming in my throat. My thoughts are spiraling out of control. “I can’t stay here if people are gonna be coming into your apartment like that. I mean, what if he—”
My arms tighten around myself as I try to stave off the shiver building within me. I’m very well aware that just because Blake didn’t try to force himself on me, it doesn’t mean it couldn’t have happened. I don’t know the kind of company Declan keeps and I sure as shit can’t vouch for Blake’s integrity.
My eyes burn as I stare at Declan’s chest, unable to meet his gaze. I feel violated and stupid all at the same time, because I saw the dumbstruck look on Blake’s face when he walked in on me. I know it was an accident. But at the same time, I’m pissed, because Blake got something I didn’t want to give. It’s drudging up painful things I want to stay buried and dead.
I shove the memories back down that are trying to rise up with the bile. I’m not that na?ve girl anymore. I’m smarter now. Stronger.
Dropping my gaze to the floor, I wipe my nose. Tears are welling in my eyes, but I refuse to blink and spill them.
“Shit.” Declan sighs. “Savannah, I’m sorry. This is all my fault. I didn’t lock the door after I left this morning. I figured you were here, and I didn’t think . . . I didn’t think. I’m sorry. It’ll never happen again. You have my word.”
“He doesn’t have a key?” My jaw clenches as I silently will these damn tears to recede back into my tear ducts, even though I know that’s not how biology works. Faucets only flow one way.
“No one has a key but me.”
He reaches up and brushes his knuckles along my cheek. I blink in surprise and look up at him, right as two fat tears slip down my face. His eyes blaze down at me as the pad of his thumb swipes away a tear.
His gaze flits to my mouth, which I think has parted in shock. He blinks and pulls his hand away as he makes his “concentration” face.
“Sorry. . .” Declan squeezes the back of his neck, looking as confused as I feel. “You have no idea how much I’ve been dying to touch you, and you just looked so sad, and I—”
He takes a breath for the first time since blurting all that out and looks at me. “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”
The honesty of his words is completely disarming and the look on his face right now . . . it kills me. I’ve never seen someone look so sincere and I have no idea how to deal with such emotional honesty. It rips away my bitchy exterior and squashes any outrage I’d normally have that he just up and touched me without my permission. I find myself wanting to tell him it’s okay, that I liked his touch and I desperately want him to touch me again.