Don’t You Forget About Me(83)

I laugh loudly. ‘Swear down, every word.’

Lucas looks at me and I see he was trying to cheer me up, and it worked, and I am so grateful that he even tried.

The morning after Share Your Shame, I think, it’s time for me to stop agreeing Robin McNee is a problem, and do something about it.

Here’s the thing, I decide, having slept on it. Robin isn’t a physical threat, he’s a psychological terrorist. Intimidating him with muscle, despite what Clem said – and how much it appeals on a base level – it doesn’t make sense to me. To catch a thief and all that.

So what is his vulnerability? On panels, he’s very much the away-with-the-fairies surrealist amid the bloke-ish badinage. I’m not surprised he’s the one that Kitty considers the star turn. He’s clearly used to this boyish manner meaning he can easily consort with women ten or fifteen years younger than him too, me being a case in point. A whiff of ‘grotty, manipulative old letch’ following him around would do him no good.

I have an idea.

Robin was disorganised enough to use my phone from time to time when his was out of juice. I wouldn’t have suspected him playing around with other women because his phone was habitually unlocked, or notifications appearing with full text of the message on screen: where technology was concerned, he was an open book. I know now of course it didn’t mean he had nothing to hide, he just didn’t give much of a shit.

He called Al his agent enough times from my mobile that I was fed up of getting mis-sent messages from a string of unknown numbers, and so Al is there in my phone book.

I might’ve felt guilty at dragging Al into this, but for the fact he turned up at my workplace and turned amateur documentary maker.

I’m not stupid though. If I’ve stored Al’s number, he might’ve stored mine. And if CLIENT’S EX WHO YOU MIGHT’VE INFURIATED WHEN DRUNK flashes on his phone, I can very easily see him drop-calling me.

I sit on my laptop, doing my due diligence – Al is on Twitter, and active on Twitter at that, which is useful. I fire off a direct message.

Hi Al – this is Georgina, Robin McNee’s girlfriend

Ugh, it says something I find those words hard to type. I’ve restored myself to full privileges as I’m sure Al will simply assume we’ve made up in the meanwhile, and ‘ex’ would signal I might be hostile.

Sorry to bother I’m just a tiny bit concerned about him ATM and wonder if I could run some things past you? Between us? Gx

The main part of getting one over on someone, I have learned down the years, is not rat-like cunning, but the benefit of surprise. Ask any cold call scammer. If Al sat and thought about this, he might shout Robin first and check what was what. More likely, he will simply want to know what’s up. Hence this is a carefully gauged approach, me being both non-confrontational and intriguing, which will see Al unthinkingly take the bait. All I need is for him to answer his phone.

It works.

Hi Georgina! Of course. Chat now?

Yes! Thanks. I’ve got your number, I’ll give you a bell in ten minutes x

NP x

I call. He picks up. I’ll never know if he’d have picked up without the preamble, but I feel vindicated in my manoeuvrings all the same.

‘Hi Al, so. You saw what Robin did in the pub the other day? Getting on the chair?’

‘Oh … yes …? Hah. I was quite tanked that night, I forget how strong that craft beer is!’

‘Right. I’ve split up with Robin as I found him having sex with Lou, as you know. When you came to where I work, I thought it was a coincidence. I’ve since found out he’s talked to my parents behind my back, told them a pack of lies and extracted that information. Then used it, as you saw.’

‘OK …’ Al says, guardedly, realising he’s been tricked. ‘I didn’t know that.’

‘Sure, I’m not suggesting you did. Then yesterday, he did the same thing again. Got into where I worked, made a speech about me to a busy room.’

‘Eeesh.’

‘The thing is, Al, I have a problem and I want your advice. Since we finished, Robin’s come to my house at night, thrown stones at the window and scared my housemate. He’s turned up at my workplace and caused a scene, twice. After which, I only kept my job by the skin of my teeth …’ – might as well make this a three-egg cake – ‘I made it abundantly clear, when I caught Robin red-handed, having sex with another woman, that we were over. He hasn’t been given the slightest signal that there’s any hope I’ll take him back and I don’t answer his messages. This is a one-sided game. This is what we call harassment.’

I draw breath into silence, hoping Al’s still on the line.

‘It’s starting to worry me, to be honest. If he doesn’t back off soon, I’m going to have to explore my options.’

‘I hear you, but what do you want me to do? I’m his agent, not his minder. I’m 200 miles away again.’

‘Sure. But you’ve been there merrily filming Robin, cheering him on. I thought we could put our heads together.’

‘I didn’t know this background – yes, sorry, leave it there, Charlie – or I wouldn’t have. The clip got deleted.’

He’s speaking from his office and going to pull a Sorry Must Dash any second, I have to make my point quickly.