Dirty Sexy Saint (Dirty Sexy #1)(36)
Clay bristled. “I know what I’m doing.”
Levi released an insipid laugh and shook his head. “You don’t know shit. I saw the intimate way she looked at you,” he said as he folded his arms on the surface of the bar. “And more importantly, before you saw me, I noticed the way you looked at her. Like you were ready to vault over the counter if any guy in the place so much as laid a hand on her. I’ve never seen such a possessive look in your eyes. That’s how I know Samantha is different.”
Clay clenched his jaw, hating that he’d been so transparent. “I barely know Samantha.” The lie burned in his throat.
“I know our mother didn’t give us a reason to trust women,” Levi said, diving right into that forbidden territory Clay had hoped to avoid. “She didn’t give a shit about us, and Wyatt was even worse,” his brother went on, daring to bring up the mean son of a bitch their mother had left them with. The bastard who’d had no qualms about beating the crap out of them on a regular basis.
“Shut up,” Clay said through clenched teeth. He didn’t talk about Wyatt, ever.
Levi narrowed his gaze. “How long are you going to let what our mother and Wyatt did to us dictate your future and happiness?” he asked, ignoring Clay’s warning to end this discussion now.
Nausea swirled in his stomach as the grim memories he preferred to keep buried threatened to strangle him. A rising anger followed, but his brother was on a f*cking roll, and now that he’d pried open Pandora’s box and let out all the ugliness of their past, there was no stopping him.
“No one’s perfect. Hell, everyone has a past that has shaped who they are. And no matter what you think or feel about what Wyatt did to you, you are a good person, Clay.”
Clay gripped the towel on the bar and shut his eyes tight. There was nothing he could do to forget Wyatt’s abuse or the single night that had changed Clay from a boy to a man intent on killing another human being. He’d had so much rage coursing through his veins and no hesitation about stabbing the knife he’d stolen to protect his brothers straight into Wyatt’s dark, evil heart. Unfortunately, despite all the bloodshed, the mean bastard had lived.
“Stop stirring up shit,” Clay said in a low, menacing voice he barely recognized as his own.
“Is that what I’m doing?” Levi asked, unfazed by Clay’s anger. “If you’d just talk about it instead of pretending it never happened, then maybe you’d quit hiding behind this bar and meaningless women.” Levi eyed him knowingly. “Better yet, maybe you won’t let the one worthwhile woman get away.”
Clay braced his hands on the edge of the bar and sent his brother a dangerous look. “Let it f*cking go, Levi,” he said in his most threatening tone. “I don’t need a lecture, and our shitty past has nothing to do with any kind of relationship I have with Samantha.”
“No, it’s just holding you back from having any kind of relationship at all.” Levi sighed, the sound rife with frustration. “You don’t always have to be so damn strong for everyone, Clay, and you don’t have to carry the burden alone. If you remember, I was there, too.”
“I f*cking remember everything, Levi.” How could he ever forget when the nightmares plagued him on a regular basis? It had been the worst night of his life, and that was saying something considering all the horrible things the three of them had endured as kids. He still had the physical scars to remind him every damn day what they’d gone through.
Clay exhaled a stream of breath that did nothing to ease the pressure in his chest. “Now that you’re done psychoanalyzing me, feel free to leave, because I have work to do.”
“Of course you do,” Levi said sarcastically as he slid off the barstool, clearly knowing he was being dismissed. “Have a good night, Clay.”
Was his brother seriously wishing him a good night after tangling his emotions into a giant f*cking knot?
Clay glared at Levi and flipped him the middle finger, uncaring that anyone in the place might see the rude gesture. “Fuck you for screwing up my night, *.”
“You’re welcome.” There wasn’t an ounce of regret in Levi’s eyes or expression. Mission obviously complete, Levi turned and strode out of the bar, leaving Clay alone with memories that were now raw and perilously close to the surface.
Chapter Ten
SAMANTHA ATE BREAKFAST and washed the dishes, her mind preoccupied with Clay, who’d been gone before she’d woken up this morning. She’d thought what had happened in his office last night had been more than just sex, and she couldn’t help but feel disappointed at being alone again.
She had truly thought that things had changed between them. That he’d quit trying to avoid her. But she’d noticed a distinct shift in Clay’s mood after his brother Levi had left. He’d seemed angry about something, and even when she’d had a moment from her busy tables to ask him if everything was okay, he’d given her an abrupt “I’m fine” that had told her he was far from okay but whatever was bothering him wasn’t up for discussion.
So, last night she’d given him space, even though she hated the distance he’d created between them. After the bar had closed and she and the other employees were done with their light cleanup, she’d realized that Clay was in his office—with the door closed—which was equivalent to a loud stay away from me sign posted on the frame. Tara confirmed that she’d heard Clay and Levi arguing, and while Samantha wanted Clay to know he could talk to her if he needed a listening, non-judgmental ear? she instinctively knew that he wasn’t the kind of man to discuss personal issues or one to dissect his feelings with a woman. No, Clay was controlled and guarded, emotionally and physically. He was always there for other people and his employees, listening and caring about their problems, but in the short time Samantha had known him, it was apparent that Clay wasn’t comfortable when it came to opening up to others, and especially her.