Dirty Red (Love Me With Lies)(73)

His raspy voice cuts through the chatter around us. I’ve missed that voice. “Sparrow?”

My whole body goes still. Except for the tremors in my hands and knees and guts. I grab my skirt again, and this time it miraculously comes loose. Traitor!

Ian is clutching the counter in front of him and for a moment, I think he’s going down.

“Sparrow?” He says again and gives his hair a nervous tug. His eyes swallow me up and I know I have to sit before I’m the one that goes down.

I put on my calmest face and give a polite, but cold smile.

“Don’t get any ideas,” I say.

He nods and reaches out to touch my face.

I back up. If he touches me, it’s over. I pretend to not see the hurt in his eyes.

“Sit with me?” He asks.

I collapse in the first open seat. So much for getting away.

Ian sets his guitar in front of me and sits on the higher end: elbows on his knees, knees against mine, his eyes trying to read me. Those eyes have been the death of me many a time. I sink into them far too easily. He has the eyelashes that all women envy and I study them instead, remembering all the times I’ve teased him about being so pretty. He leans in even closer. I cannot bury any further into my seat than I already am.

All of a sudden, he backs up and looks around. “Is your mom with you? I knew I should have shaved,” he mutters.

A surprised laugh pops out. “No, Charlie isn’t here. Settle.”

“Whew.” He rubs the stubble along his jaw and grins. “I can’t believe you’re here in front of me. You look good, Sparrow. So beautiful.”

He reaches over and gently pulls one of my curls, watching it boing back into place. He places a hand on each cheek, his eyes studying me until they stop on my lips. He always had a thing for my mouth. And my hair. He used to list what he loved about each of my body parts, going into such detail that my neck would get splotchy. And then he’d tease me about all the splotches, while kissing each one.

I have to stop my brain.

“I see this face every night when I close my eyes. All day long, I think I see you, everywhere I go…” His eyes cloud and he drops his hands. “I’ve dreamed this so many times, I’m not even sure you’re real right now. Are you really here?”

A thick lump burns in my throat, making it harder and harder to swallow. I know all about seeing his face everywhere. And not sleeping. And how long it took me to even eat again after he tore my heart out and stomped on it with the black combat boots I bought him that hellish Christmas. Shoving the ache down, I take a deep breath and fix my face as a blank slate, void of all feeling. Except the hate I wish I could have for him.



In our stupor, I think we’ve missed a few of the boarding calls because the ticket agent looks pointedly in our direction as she loudly makes the FINAL CALL TO BOARD. All the other passengers are sitting and waiting on us when we get on the plane. I sense some hostility. I don’t want to make a Texan mad at me.

“Well, what do you know, our seats are next to each other,” he smirks.

“I’m sure it helps that we’re the last ones on,” I snap out of the side of my mouth. I sit down and yank the neckline of my shirt up higher when I see his eyes wandering.

He sits down and laughs. “Come on, Baby, I have you for one hour. Let me look at you.” The way he says have you makes me feel feverish.

“Don’t call me that.”

“Let me see your ticket,” he grabs it before I can say no. “4B.” He holds his up so I can see 4A. “I couldn’t have planned this any better myself…”

I lean my head back on the seat and close my eyes. It’s not even two minutes before we’re rolling and taking off. Now I know why there is a general glare in our direction from the other passengers; we held up the flight.

The air is thick with sorrow and desire. I have always known the minute he is in a room. It didn’t matter if it was a room of a hundred people or across thousands, I could spot his inky black hair and swagger from a mile away. To be in such close proximity after so long apart is threatening to make me sick. Ian is watching me, his head leaning on the seat and his whole body shifted toward mine.

A flash of color catches my eye—no, surely those things aren’t still in circulation.

“Tell me you’re not still wearing the elephant socks.”

His grin takes over his entire face, stopping my heart in the process.

“They’re a little holey now.”

I snort. It’s a good thing my mom isn’t here, she’d be mortified. “Yeah, I bet.”

“I’ve never stopped loving you, Sparrow Fisher.”

I focus on breathing and not losing my coffee and muffin all over him. That would serve him right.

“I’ve never loved anyone but you.” He goes on, seemingly unfazed by my silence.

I turn my head and the look on my face seems to scare him. His eyes widen.

“It doesn’t matter, Ian. Love … it means nothing, at this point. And I’m the only one in this non-relationship who can truly say that I’ve never loved anyone but YOU. So don’t even give me that nonsense about only loving me. That’s a load of crack.” I huff and look out the tiny window, trying to forget he’s there.

He chuckles and I whip my face around to see what could possibly make him laugh.