Denial (Careless Whispers #1)(44)

I laugh. “I will definitely be visiting it, and soon.”

We eat for a few minutes in comfortable silence, and I think it’s a sign of how well we get along. It stirs a million questions about what had him staring into the darkness tonight, what haunts him, but I’m afraid if I ask, he’ll withdraw. I am almost certain that he will. Marabella is quick to join us, chatting a little and taking our plates.

“Dessert?” she asks. “I have cheesecake.”

I pat my belly. “I’m stuffed. I’d better not.”

“I’m with Ella,” Kayden agrees. “Maybe later.”

“Then I’ve achieved my goal,” Marabella approves, setting fresh espressos in front of us and casting her attention on me. “Before I head to bed, there’s a whiteboard on the counter. Leave me a list of anything you like and I’ll pick it up tomorrow.”

It’s a pleasant revelation to realize I know what I like. Chocolate. Coffee. Cheese. Pasta. “I’m allergic to shellfish,” I say, glancing at Kayden.

“That’s a good thing to remember,” he says.

“And before you have a reaction,” Marabella adds.

“I might not want to remember who I am,” I comment, “but apparently my mind still wants me to survive.”

“We’ll protect you and be your family,” Marabella promises. “And now I’ll leave you two alone. I’ll be in early to take care of the dishes.”

“Thank you for the wonderful meal,” I say. “And for all you have already done for me.”

“Taking care of this castle and the family inside is my life, as it was my husband’s. Eduardo was with Kevin before he knew me, and before Kevin adopted Kayden. And like him, I’ll be here until the day I die, if Kayden allows it.” She blows him a kiss and rushes away.

Kayden’s energy shifts, thickening the air. “Kevin adopted me when I was ten and brought me here. He and my father were both Hunters and best friends, so when my family was killed, he took me in. And because I know you’re going to want to ask, but will be afraid to, they were murdered while I hid in the closet my father stuffed me into. The case was never solved.”

He stands and takes his cup with him, and it’s all I can do to contain a gasp, the pure horror of a young boy hiding while his parents were slaughtered inconceivable. Suddenly everything I’m going through seems like nothing. Kayden walks to the sink and places his cup there, his hands settling on the counter in front of him, and I can almost feel the past cut through him.

I don’t even think about staying in my seat. I cross to stand beside him, my hand settling on his back. The instant I touch him, he drags me in front of him, caging me between him and the counter, his hands setting back on either side of me, but nowhere is he touching me. “Every time you’ve asked me why, it came back to one thing. You were alone in a strange country with no family or friends. Things I know all too well. And the moment you opened your eyes and knew nothing but me, I had to protect you.”

My eyes burn, and not with my pain. With his. “That’s why you feel familiar. It’s a bond of shared experience you knew we had, but I didn’t.” I reach for his cheek, but he grabs my hand, holding it between us.

“Every time you touch me,” he says, his voice laden with some unidentifiable emotion, “I forget you don’t know who you are or what you want.”

“You said yourself that a name doesn’t define me. I know who I am. And I know what I want, and that’s you and whatever this is between us.”

“I’m not a hero, Ella. But I’m not the * who is going to take advantage of you, either.”

“Whiplash again, Kayden. One minute it’s ‘I’ll f*ck you until you don’t know your name.’ The next, it’s this.”

“You know damn well what that was about. You thought I was him, and it pissed me off.”

He pushes off the counter and takes a step back, running a rough hand through his hair and leaving it a tousled, sexy mess. “I’m going out for a while.” He doesn’t wait for a response. I blink and he’s gone. And I am suddenly cold and painfully alone.





twelve



I linger in the kitchen for a long while, finishing off my coffee and inspecting the contents of cabinets and the refrigerator, and in general killing time while hoping Kayden will return, but he doesn’t. Of course he doesn’t. I’m here and he’s wherever he is, forgetting I’m here, and I have no right to care. He’s helping me. He’s not obligated to me.

Finally, I accept that I’m going to bed alone, and do so with foolish stamped all over my heart that shouldn’t even be involved. I dim the lights in the kitchen to a glow, and then do the same in the living area before walking the chilly hallway. It’s a path that comes with plenty of creaks and moans of the castle, and who knows, maybe a ghost or two is watching, considering this place has to be three centuries or more old, but I have far more to fear in my own head right now to worry about such things.

I open the door to my room, finding it colder than I remember despite leaving the fireplace running. Bigger and emptier, too. Shutting myself inside, I don’t lock the door when there’s no one to keep out anyway. I go straight to the tub and run another bath? eager to sink into the warmth. Soon, bubbles surround me as I replay my encounter with Kayden. It doesn’t take me long to decide his pain is too raw to be about the death of his family when he was ten. There’s more.