Denial (Careless Whispers #1)(27)

“Not a damn thing.”

I turn to face him, forgetting he’s gloriously naked, until of course, he’s standing in front of me gloriously naked, but somehow I stay my course. “You said we both know I did more than kiss him.”

He stares at me, his eyes glinting hard, the pulse of the shower spray the only sound between us. One second, two, ten. He shuts off the water, giving me no warning as he shoves open the door, forcing me to back up. I’ve barely righted my footing before he steps out of the shower and onto the mat. My mouth goes dry at the sight of all that water clinging to all the beautiful parts of him. I’m spellbound by the drops tracking over his impressive six-pack and lower . . . lower . . . My head jerks up. He arches a brow, his lips quirking in cynical amusement. “I . . . don’t know why I just did that. I mean, I do, but—”

“Because you want me, like I want you, but you have questions. Well, guess what. So do I, sweetheart.” He grabs a towel off the rack and dries his hair, leaving all his manly hotness on display.

My instinct is to turn, but there is a glint in his eyes that is one part challenge and one part intimidation, and I do not let him win. I lift my chin, refusing to let my eyes wander again. “If I didn’t tell you anything about that man, why did you say we both know I did a whole lot more than kiss him?”

He wraps the towel around his waist, his damp hair teasing his defined cheeks, accenting those cutting blue eyes. “Are you saying you didn’t?”

“Did I say something that made you think I did?”

“Are you saying you didn’t?”

“Stop answering my questions with more questions.”

“Then give me an answer.”

“I could say the same to you,” I snap. “I had one pain-induced memory of that man. One. Just one, Kayden.”

“That’s not an answer I’m looking for.”

“You already know the answer. He was . . .” I stop, not sure how to fill in the blank.

“Your lover,” he supplies.

“No,” I say quickly, the word lover somehow too good for that man. “He was not my lover.”

“But you had sex with him.”

An image of me tied to that bed has me gripping the blanket a little tighter. “My memory had nothing to do with sex.”

“Then what was it about?”

“Control,” I say, no hesitation in me. “Power.”

His eyes sharpen. “Did he hurt you, Ella?”

“I don’t want to talk about this.” I try to twist away from him, but his hands encircle my waist.

“What did he look like?”

“I couldn’t see his face.”

“What could you see?”

“I told you—”

“What could you see?” he presses.

“That’s private.”

“Not when my life is on the line, right along with yours.”

“It’s private and it’s not about what I saw anyway. It’s more what I felt.”

“Which was what?”

“I told you. He scares me.”

He narrows his eyes on me. “ ‘Please don’t be him,’ ” he says, repeating my words from the night before.

“I’d just had the flashback, Kayden, and the drugs and the pain made me feel helpless.”

He stares at me, blue eyes like pure ice. “Got it,” he says, setting me away from him. “Your clothes are under the sink, and the bag on the counter is hair color. Fix the streaks so it’s not obvious you colored it.”

“So no red. No going back to me.” But even as I say the words, I know it’s not possible, no matter how much I want it to be.

“You can’t even remember who he is. You can’t have you back until you figure him out. Come downstairs when you’re done. We’re moving to my house.”

“Your house? But what about Gallo? Won’t he come looking for me there?”

“I told you. I have a plan.”

“But—”

His hands come down on my arms, and he backs me up and sets me on the edge of the tub. “The only thing I’m going to explain to you while we’re both half-naked is how easily I could f*ck you until you don’t remember your name that you just remembered. And I don’t think either of us wants you forgetting anything more than you already have.”

His hands fall from my arms, leaving me chilled in their wake, and I try to grab him, to pull him back and force him to talk to me, but he’s already exiting the bathroom, leaving me stunned and unsure of what just happened all over again. Holding the blanket around me, I listen to his movement in the bedroom, wishing I knew what to do next. But I don’t know what he wants from me. I don’t know what I want from him. Actually, maybe I do. I want to be able to trust him and he wants me to trust him. That’s why he shoved a gun into my hand at the church. I’m pretty sure he thinks it didn’t matter at all. But it did. I just can’t be a fool and pretend that couldn’t have been a gamble that went his way. I don’t know how to get to a place of true trust until I get my memory back.

I stand up and decide I have to try to talk to Kayden again, though I really don’t know what to say. I walk to the open door, pausing in the archway to find him fully dressed and sitting on a chair to put on his boots. He stands at the sight of me, and we stare at each other, the look in his eyes downright chilly. He doesn’t speak. I think he’s waiting for me to say whatever I came in here to say, and I toss around possible ways to clear the air, discarding every option. I’m pretty sure anything I say will be wrong no matter what.