Delayed Penalty (Crossing the Line, #1)(39)

I squeezed my eyes shut, turning the other way as she continued.

"I never thought I would be able to forget, and I don't want to forget, but I want to move on. I can't live my life grieving them because there are things I could be missing out on. You can't see something shining if you're eyes are closed."

"What was the first memory you had when you woke in the hospital?" I asked, trying not to let on how difficult it was to talk to her about this. I never wanted to push, but I was curious. I learned so much about her when we talked like this.

"It wasn't a memory. It was a voice. I remembered a voice." Her eyes were on mine, carefully watching. "I remembered you for some reason. Not your face, not your eyes, but your voice."

"You were pretty out of it when I found you." The days that she was completely out of it, supported by machines, I was there every day that I could be, talking to her. In a way, I liked to believe I got her out of that coma.

I bent forward and kissed the side of her face, not caring what it meant. I was also kissing a scar that remained from her attack. "There's something about this spot right here that I have to kiss," I said, teasing her with a light tickle on her hip, trying to bring her out of the sadness. "It brought me starry blue eyes…" I kissed up her temple and then her forehead and felt her smile. "I know that's shitty to say because it nearly took your life, but it brought me you."

Tears streamed down her face, but she didn't seem upset. Instead, she leaned over and kissed me on the lips once and then curled into my side.

Touching the side of her face, my thumbs brushed her tears aside. "I can't stop thinking about you. I don't want to, but the thoughts are there…and I want them to be there. I know that you don't need someone like me falling for you. Christ, I'm supposed to tell you that we shouldn't be doing any of this, be like this, but I can't. I can't do it."

Ami smiled, her tears gone. "You sound like a girl right now."

"Shut up and get over here." I couldn't hide it anymore, and I didn't want to. I really liked Ami. She was feisty, loving, carefree, and she was exactly what someone like me needed.

My breath became shallow as the desire got stronger. I wanted her hands on me. I wanted to give her the weight of my body and feel her beneath me. I wanted her lips on me again.

Fuck.

Ami wasn't doing any better, her breathing harsher, heavier, and damn near panting.

She stared up at me for a moment, and I couldn't stop myself and pressed my lips to hers again. Reaching my other hand around to the side of her face, I gently secured her lips to mine.

She must have heard me groan when her hands found my hair, and then she rolled slightly onto her back bringing me with her between her legs. Then, just as I had imagined time and time again in my dreams, my body pressed into her, and f*ck if it wasn't everything I had been imagining.

My hands started shaking at what this meant, and I saw her in the snow again, limp, blood covering her body. Goddamn it! Not again.

Not wanting to move, in fear I would scare her, I propped myself up on one arm, still kissing her, trying to push those thoughts away. Maybe sensing my sudden change, she grasped the back of my shoulder, attempting to tug me down on top of her, slightly succeeding. Ami was tiny; I wouldn't give her all my weight. I lowered her back until she was lying flat, but still hovered over her, dipping down to find the skin on her neck.

It wasn't enough.

She tugged more, raising her legs up and around my waist. I felt her heart over my own as she covered me with her mouth. Every part of me was hard, and every part of me throbbed to the beat of her innocent heart.

"Fuck…" I groaned, and she knew exactly what she'd done and giggled, dropping her head back against the pillow.

"Can all hockey players kiss like you do?" she asked, her grin displayed in her tone.

I smiled around her lips, not wanting to pull away. "I don't usually go around kissing hockey players so I wouldn't know."

"I should ask Leo," Ami teased, threading her fingers in my hair and giving me a squeeze. "He'd know."

"Don't you dare," I growled, lowering my lips to hers again. Resuming our kisses, her fingers tugging at my hair, I lost myself. I was so f*cking worked up I had to keep reminding myself I couldn't have sex with her.

No. I couldn't have sex with her. She wasn't ready for that. Eventually, we stopped kissing when I felt like it had gone too far. It took everything I had to keep from having sex with her.

"Evan?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you remember when you walked into the hospital that day and I was awake?" Ami looked over at me, her hands tucked under the pillow, her cheek pressed into the pillow staring at me. I nodded so she continued, "I was so happy to see you, and then I thought I shouldn't be this happy. After everything I went through, it's wrong to be happy, right?" I was about to respond, but she kept talking. "Then you spoke and I knew that it was okay to feel that because you were the one I had been dreaming about. It was you."

I gave her another kiss on the forehead and said nothing else. I guess I just thought if I said something, I would either say the wrong thing by accident or ruin her moment of clarity, so I kept quiet.

I found it amazing that Ami could talk so openly about what happened to her and be like this—sexual—even after what happened. It all just reminded me that she really didn't need to me to protect her. She just needed me.