Deity (Covenant #3)(84)

I went hot and cold all at once. “Seth, I’m really sorry. I don’t want to hurt you.”

He stared at me a moment, then laughed. “Hurt me? Alex, I’ve always known how you’ve felt about him.”

Okay. I must’ve been on crack when I thought I’d seen vulnerability in Seth before. Silly me, he was the boy with no feelings or something. But even for the cocky, annoying version of Seth, he was taking this surprisingly well—too well. My suspicions skyrocketed. “Why are you so okay with this?”

“Am I supposed to be upset? Is that what you want?” He tipped his head to the side, brows slanted. “Do you want me to be jealous? Is that what it takes?”

“No!” I felt my face flush again. “I just didn’t expect you to be so… okay with it.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say I’m okay with it. It is what it is.”

I stared at him and then a thought struck me. “You’re not going to turn him in, are you?”

Seth slowly shook his head. “How would that benefit me? You’d be in servitude and on the elixir.”

And I wouldn’t Awaken, which it always seemed to come down to, and I was big enough person to admit that stung. I wondered what bothered Seth more—my life being virtually over or my Awakening not happening. I looked away, biting my lip. “Seth, I found some stuff out while you were gone.”

“So did I,” he responded evenly.

That was cryptic. “You had to know about the Order and how an Apollyon is made.”

His expression didn’t change. “Why is that?”

Frustration flared. “You once said that when you Awakened, you knew everything from the previous Apollyons. One of them would’ve known about the Order, and about how they were born. Why didn’t you tell me?”

Seth sighed. “Alex, I didn’t tell you because I didn’t see a point.”

“How could you not see a point after everything that happened to me in New York? If you’d told me about the Order, I could’ve been better prepared.”

He looked away, lips pursing.

“And I asked you while we were there if you knew what that symbol meant,” I said. Anger and so much disappointment swamped me. I didn’t even try to shield my emotions from him. “You said you didn’t know. When I asked if you knew about a half and a pure mixing, you said you guessed your father had to be a half. You knew the truth. What I don’t get is why you didn’t tell me.”

“I was told not to.”

“What?” Seth started walking, and I hurried to catch up with him. “Who told you not to tell me?”

He stared up the beach. “Does it matter?”

“Yes!” I practically shrieked. “It does matter. How can we have anything If I don’t trust you?”

His brows shot up. “What do we have exactly, Alex? I do remember telling you that you had a choice. I didn’t ask for labels or expectations.”

I remembered that, too. The night in the pool seemed forever ago. Part of me missed that playful Seth.

“And you made your choice,” Seth continued softly. “You made your choice even when you said you chose me.”

I also remembered that fleeting, satisfied look when I had said that I’d chosen him. Shaking my head, I searched for something to say. “Seth, I—”

“I don’t want to talk about this.” He stopped where the sand faded into pavement, reached down and brushed his knuckles across my cheek. I jerked back, startled by the contact and the electric shock that followed. Seth lowered his hand, staring at the backs of the small shops lining the main road. “Anything else you want to talk about?”

He hadn’t answered a damn question, but I did have one more. “Did you see my father, Seth?”

“No.” He met my eyes.

“Did you even look for him?”

“Yes. Alex, I couldn’t find him. That doesn’t mean he wasn’t there.” He pushed back the shorter strands that had been blown free. “Anyway, I brought you back a gift.”

I wasn’t sure I’d heard him right, but then he repeated it, and my heart sank. “Seth, you shouldn’t have brought me anything.”

“You’ll change your mind once you see it.” A wicked grin pulled at his lips. “Trust me, this is a once-in-a-lifetime type of gift.”

Great. This was making me feel better. If he handed me the Hope Diamond, I was going to throw up. He and I had never been in a relationship, but guilt still twisted at my insides. When I looked at him, I saw Aiden. And when Seth touched me, I felt Aiden. The worst thing of it all was that Seth knew.

“Alex, just come on.”

“Okay.” I drew in a deep breath and then pressed my lips together. The wind that kicked up from the ocean was shockingly cold, and I huddled down in my hoodie. “Why in the world is it so cold? It never used to be this cold here.”

“The gods are pissed,” Seth said, and then laughed.

I frowned at him.

Seth shrugged. “They are putting all their focus into this little piece of the world. It’s because of us, you know. The gods know change is coming.”

“Sometimes you really kind of freak me out.”

He laughed.

I made a face. We walked in silence after that. I kept expecting him to turn toward the Covenant-controlled island and when we didn’t, then I thought we’d head toward Lucian’s house, but he led me straight through town and toward the courthouse, which was used by the Council members.