Deity (Covenant #3)(51)

“I don’t think you want me to tell you something right now.”

“True.” He laughed. “Where do you want to be assigned when you graduate?”

“What?” I frowned. Aiden repeated the question. “Yeah, I heard you, but that’s such a random question.”

“So? Answer it.”

Giving up on trying to get free and jump him, I decided to make the best of this weird situation and snuggled closer. I’d probably regret it later, when he came to his senses and pushed me away. Aiden’s arms tightened in response. “I don’t know.”

“You haven’t thought about it?”

“Not really. When I first returned to the Covenant, I didn’t even think I was going to be allowed back in and then I learned about the whole Apollyon thing.” I paused, because I wasn’t sure why I hadn’t really given it much thought. “I guess I just stopped thinking it would even be an option.”

Aiden unlocked his hands and began to trace an idle circle over my upper arm. It was ridiculously soothing. “It’s still an option, Alex. Awakening doesn’t mean your life is over. Where would you go?”

Wishing we’d had the foresight to turn off the light before our impromptu cuddle-fest, I closed my eyes. “I don’t know. I guess I’d pick some place I’d never been, like New Orleans.”

“You’ve never been there?” Surprise colored his voice.

“No. Have you?”

“I’ve been there a couple of times.”

“During Mardi Gras?”

Aiden picked up my hand that was on his stomach, threading his fingers through mine. My chest fluttered. “Once or twice,” he answered.

I smiled, picturing Aiden carrying beads. “Yeah, so maybe some place like that.”

“Or Ireland?”

“You remember the weirdest things I say.”

His fingers closed over mine. “I remember everything you say.”

Warmth stole through me and I savored it. He’d said the same thing the day at the zoo, but somehow I’d forgotten that in the mess of everything that had happened after that. “That’s kind of embarrassing. I say a lot of stupid things.”

Aiden laughed. “You do say some pretty weird things.”

I couldn’t argue with that. We lay there together in a companionable silence for a little while. I listened to the even sounds ofhis breathing. “Aiden?”

He tilted his head toward me. “Yeah?”

I finally put voice to something that had been nagging me for a while. “What… what if I don’t want to be a Sentinel anymore?”

Aiden didn’t answer immediately. “What do you mean?”

“It’s not that I don’t see the purpose behind being a Sentinel and I still have that need, but sometimes I feel like being a Sentinel is agreeing with the way things are.” I took a deep breath. Saying this aloud was damn near close to heresy. “It’s like being a Sentinel means I’m okay with how half-bloods are treated and I’m… I’m not okay with that.”

“Neither am I,” he said softly.

“I feel… terrible for even thinking this, but I just don’t know.” I squeezed my eyes shut, partially ashamed. “But after I saw those dead servants in the Catskills, I just can’t be a part of this.”

There was a pause. “I see what you’re saying.”

“There’s a but, isn’t there?”

“No. There’s not.” Aiden squeezed my hand. “I know becoming the Apollyon isn’t something you want, but you will be in the position to change things, Alex. There are pures who will listen to you. And there are some who want things to change. If this is something you feel strongly about, then you should do what you can.”

“It doesn’t mean I’d be shirking my duties as a Sentinel?” My voice sounded tiny. “Because the world needs Sentinels and Guards, and the daimons—they kill indiscriminately. I can’t just—”

“You can do what you want.” Sincerity rang in his tone, and I wanted to believe him, but that wasn’t the case. Even as the Apollyon, I was still a half-blood and I couldn’t do what I wanted. “And it’s not shirking your duty,” he said. “Changing the lives of hundreds of half-bloods will do more than hunting daimons.”

“You think so?”

“I know so.”

A little bit of the pressure eased and I yawned. “What if someone sees us?”

“Don’t worry about it.” He brushed my hair back over my shoulder. “Marcus knows I’m here.”

I doubted that Marcus knew Aiden was in my bed. Maybe all of this was a dream, I decided. But my lips still tingled from the brief kiss. I wanted to ask him why he was here, like this. It didn’t make sense, but I didn’t want to kill the warmth between us with questions rooted in logic. Sometimes logic was just overrated.

Slowly, I pried my eyes opened and blinked. The dusky rays of early morning sunlight filtered through the blinds. Little dots of dust floated in the stream of light. A heavy arm lay over my stomach and a leg was thrown over mine, as if he’d wanted to make sure I couldn’t escape while he slept.

Not that a god could make me move from this bed or his arms.