Defenseless (Salvation, #5)(9)
Mark the eternal funny guy. Yet, I’m the one they all come crying to because they can’t keep their lives together. People get shot, divorced, screw up because they can’t tell each other the truth. I’m not sure if I want to do this for the rest of my life. I may want to open a surf shop in Hawaii, but if I buy into this, I wouldn’t be able to. Typical Jackson, though, he’s on his timeline and is pushing me.
I spend the next few hours wrapping up anything I can here. My e-mails are cleared, now I need to meet with the team.
Everyone sits in the meeting room with weary eyes.
“Welcome, my people!” I boom as I enter. Natalie smirks, Aaron looks unimpressed, Erik laughs, and the rest of our team appear confused. The only thing that shocks me is Liam standing in the back of the room with his arms crossed. “Well, it seems we have a new employee.”
Liam tips his chin down and eyes me cautiously.
Interesting.
“I’m just here to pick up my wife. She informed me that you were addressing the team. I figured I’d save her the hassle of replaying everything.”
Half of me wants to kick his ass, put him in his place because we’re not in the Navy here. The other half wants to clap him on the back and congratulate him on his balls dropping.
“Okay.” I clap my hands, loudly drawing their attention back. “I have some information to go over, and it’s going to be a while.”
Charlie
“Yes, I understand.” My mind is at war with my mouth. I can’t seem to say all the things I want to. It’s years and years of perfecting my self-control, now coming to bite me in the ass. The truth is . . . I don’t understand one single thing.
“We’re not fully removing you, Charlie.” Tom sounds as though he actually believes the bullshit he’s spewing.
“I’m not sure we have the same definition of ‘off the case’.”
My debrief lasted an additional four days. Since Vanessa needed to go over all of my notes, I was required to play more of their mindf*ck games. It’s the one part of this job I truly hate. It’s hours of questioning, a polygraph, and then more interrogation about what you already said. It’s easy to lie, but when you’re forced to remember each detail of a lie, you’re likely to slip. They know this. We all know this, but I’ve been trained since I was a kid to believe the lie. To make that my truth. It’s the reason any of us can pass a polygraph with flying colors. It’s true to me, because I’ve made it so. With that, though, comes loneliness.
Even after I told the actual truth—no spin, no half stories, no chance of tripping up, even though that would never happen—they remove me from the case completely. I want to lose it.
“It’s a break. A chance to recharge.”
“Don’t insult me, Tom. Placating me isn’t really your style.” I sneer.
“You’re too close to the target, the case, the entire thing. You missed check-ins. Your handler was left in the dark too often. You were reckless. You lost Mazir and compromised your cover. There are more minuses than plusses in these columns. The Director wants you off the case. That’s the end of this discussion.”
I hold myself together. There’s a bigger picture, one they fail to see. So I’ll take my lumps—for now.
My mouth forms a thin line. “I can’t say anything because you’ve made your decision. I’d like to take leave from the agency.”
Tom is good. He doesn’t flinch or appear at all surprised. His eyes don’t shift or widen. But his cheek twitches. It’s a small sign, but it gives me a tiny thrill that I was able to catch him slightly off guard.
“Charlie,” my handler, Mandi, says calmly. “Don’t.”
She’s been my partner, so to speak, for six years. I’ve been fortunate to have Mandi since the beginning. My life has been in her hands. She’s guided me, made my covers reality, and now she’s turning her back on me.
There was no question as to why I had to stay quiet. I wasn’t dark; I was playing a part. My cover had been carefully crafted. When my father was killed, it was imperative I became Fahima. I had to become an orphan who wanted to serve and belong, as well as help with the missions of her country. I needed to hate freedom. I needed to hate my country in order to infiltrate them. Any means necessary was what I was told. Apparently, that included rules I was unaware of. But her testimony sealed my fate.
I stand with new life flowing through my veins. I didn’t think the decision would be reversed, which is why I already put plans in motion. Mark should be here later today, and I’ll continue my work without the agency behind me. “I’ve already filled out the paperwork.” I hand the leave request over. “I think I’ve earned a vacation in the sun and sand, don’t you?”
Mandi’s brown eyes give too much away. It’s why she couldn’t be in the field. She knows me, though. Our jobs required us to trust each other. I don’t think for one second she believes this is over.
She would be right.
“Charlie, I think you’re making a mistake.” Mandi’s voice shakes at the end. “I know you feel—”
“You have no idea how I feel,” I cut her off. “I’m taking some time to spend with my mother. I need to grieve the loss of my father. My life has been this case. My life has been this job. You decided I failed; therefore, I’m going to take some time for myself. I’ll be out of the country, which is on the paperwork. I plan to enjoy the sun.” I say it with such conviction that I almost believe myself. Almost.