Defenseless (Salvation, #5)(78)

“It’s okay,” I say reassuringly. “I’m here, Mark. Just open your eyes.”

He opens them both, but the other closes immediately. “Tell me something only you know. I need to know you’re real.”

“I hate sharks, and you made me go in that stupid water.”

He coughs. “Tell me what vineyard we went to.” His eyes close as he fights exhaustion.

“Keswick,” I say automatically.

“Glad you remember because I couldn’t.” He smirks.

The half giggle, half cry escapes my lips. He’s still my Mark. They may have hurt him, but they didn’t destroy him. Relief floods my heart as I gaze at him. I could’ve lost him. I almost did.

“I’m sorry for all of this.” I brush his hair back as I break down. “It’s the way it had to be. I couldn’t tell you anything. I was so lost, Mark. I was so intent on finding out more about my dad that I almost lost everything. I almost lost you.” I press my lips to his shoulder as I let it all out. Years of pain and stuffing it down come bubbling up. “I didn’t want to care about you. I knew this couldn’t be good, no matter what, but you pushed me and pushed me. You made me look at you like you were everything. You have to forgive me. You have to understand why I did it.”

“Charisma.” His hand finds my wrist and he grips it. “Stop.” My lips close as he struggles to open both eyes. “What is going on with you? You’re crying, which I didn’t know you could do, and you’re going on and on about other nonsense, and you wouldn’t take the damn medication. Why are you so worried? I’m here, I’m safe. You’re here, you’re relatively safe.”

In this moment, three words fill my world. “Because I love you, and you have to love me. I can’t lose you again. I don’t want to do this alone,” I say the words and all sense of time stops. I’m afraid he won’t love me anymore. I’m afraid he never did. I’m terrified that I’ve broken my only chance at a life I never dreamed of. I don’t know how to handle all these emotions. I don’t like them, either, if I’m being honest.

“Do what alone?”

“The rest of our life.”

“Then you should know how much I love you, Charisma Erickson.” He tightens his fingers around mine. “I would’ve died if it meant you’d live. When he told me they killed you, a part of me broke. When you pushed me away, I never knew pain like that. That beating . . .” He pauses and looks away. “Was nothing compared to the day I left you.”

I know what he means. The three weeks he was away were torture. I’ve been starved and made to do unthinkable things, but not knowing how to find him was the worst time of my life. I couldn’t do anything. I had to sit, wait, and hope to God the others found him. Mandi, Frank, and Dominic worked every angle while I fed them clues and remained completely hidden.

“You need to rest,” I say and then press my lips to his forehead.

“Charlie,” he rasps. “You’ve been shot. You need the same thing as me.”

“It’s nothing. I’m not bleeding anymore, and I took a Tylenol. You have to stay still. You have to listen to me.”

“Bullshit. You were just as freaked out as I was. I’m in bad shape, aren’t I?”

We both know that he needs a hospital. The extent of his damages could be far worse than we know, but for now, this is keeping him alive. It’s like plugging a tire with bubblegum. I pray this will be enough until I can get him real help. As soon as Mandi calls, we’ll be on our way there.

“It’s beyond my training. I’m doing what I can, but you’re covered in bruises, I don’t know if you have any damages I can’t see.”

“That’s because I was their punching bag. I much prefer when you hit me.” He tilts his head with a sly look.

He’s unreal. Even after all of this he can still joke. “Princess,” I say with love clear in my voice. “You can’t handle my jabs.”

“You hit like a girl.”

“You act like one,” I joke. This is normal. This is us.

“I’m tired again. What the hell did you put in this IV?”

“Pain killers, vitamins, and a lot of love.”

Mark lets out a short laugh. “Look at you.” His head falls to the side. “Being all romantic and shit. Maybe you should get shot more often.”

Idiot.

The thing is that he doesn’t see how unnerving this all was for me. “You don’t know how scared I was that he shot you. I don’t get scared, Mark. I live this life, this job, and I’ve known it my whole life. It’s all I’ve ever had. But everything is changing. Everything is different. You barreled your way into my world and forced me to love you against my will.”

Mark closes his eyes and expels a deep breath. “I thought you were caught by them. I thought you were being held, beaten, and then killed. I gave up at the end. I was willing to let them kill me because I failed you. Don’t think this wasn’t hard for me, baby. Don’t think you weren’t the only one who didn’t want to love. Because you aren’t. I knew the risks, but you’re worth the reward.”

I smile as my heart accelerates. Everything inside of me beams. “I need you to make me a promise.”