Defending Zara (Mountain Mercenaries #6)(53)

Meat kissed her . . . but not on the lips.

She felt his lips caress her forehead gently before he pulled back.

Her eyes popped open, and she couldn’t help but feel disappointed.

He studied her for a long moment, looking more serious than she’d seen him look since she’d met him. “I’m trying my hardest not to push you to do anything you don’t want to,” he said quietly. “But the more I get to know you, the more I like you. I’m attracted to you, Zara. But I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. Just say the word, and I’ll back off and never mention this again. We can be friends, and I’ll do whatever I can to help you with the media, your grandparents, and finding a place to live. I’ll be your biggest cheerleader and staunchest bodyguard.”

“What if I don’t want to be friends?” she whispered, not able to tear her gaze from his.

He frowned and stood up straight, taking a step back. “Then I’ll still help you with whatever you need. But I’ll ask one of the other women to come stay with you here until you can find somewhere else to live.”

Zara panicked. That wasn’t what she’d meant at all!

She stood and stepped closer to Meat. He stilled, and she took advantage of his indecision.

Feeling bolder than she’d ever been before, Zara rested her hands on his chest. She tilted her neck back so she could look him in the eyes. “I didn’t mean that like you obviously took it. I have no idea what I’m doing here, Meat. I’ve never had a boyfriend. Never been attracted to anyone before, I was too busy trying to stay alive. But you make me feel things I’ve never felt.

“And it’s not gratitude,” she said forcefully. “I’m grateful to everyone for helping get me out of Peru. This isn’t that. It’s . . . more. Anytime I’m near you, I feel as if I can fully relax. But at the same time, I feel weird inside, as if something about you gets my blood all worked up. I’m not explaining it well at all . . . but I feel a connection to you. One that I’ve never felt with anyone, and I have no idea what to do about it. I’m assuming writing a note and asking if you like me, and putting a big box with a ‘Yes’ and another box with a ‘No,’ asking you to pick one and give the note back, isn’t exactly appropriate anymore.”

Meat put one arm around her waist and pulled her into him. The other hand went around the back of her neck. Zara should’ve felt threatened, but she didn’t. She relaxed into his body and waited to see what he’d say next.

“I’d check that ‘Yes’ box, Zar,” he said softly. “You ever been kissed before?”

Zara knew she was blushing, but she shook her head tentatively.

“You haven’t said, and I haven’t asked, but . . . were you assaulted in Lima? Raped?”

“No,” she said firmly. “And I’m not lying. It’s why I cut my hair and pretended to be a boy. No one paid me much attention as a male, not like they would’ve if I’d looked like a girl.”

“You definitely look like a girl, Zara,” Meat assured her. “And I believe you. So, you’re innocent . . .”

“I’m not innocent,” she denied, not wanting him to think she didn’t know anything about sex. “The barrios aren’t exactly private. I’ve seen men with prostitutes. I’ve seen husbands make love to their wives. I’ve seen more penises than I probably should’ve by the time I was thirteen years old. No one thinks twice about whipping it out to pee whenever and wherever they want, no matter who’s around to see.”

Zara felt Meat’s thumb brushing against her nape. “You’re innocent,” he said firmly. “You might’ve seen a lot, but if you haven’t experienced a gentle touch or a kiss, or felt the connection two people can have while making love . . . you’re still innocent.”

She didn’t know what to say, so she simply gazed up at him.

“I don’t want to take advantage of you,” Meat said with a frown. “The last thing I want is to start a relationship and, after a while, have you feel as if you’re missing out. I should keep things friendly between us and let you see what you’ve been missing. Let you date, go out with different men, see what you like and what kind of man you’re attracted to.”

Zara’s brows furrowed. “I know what I like, Meat. I like men who pay attention. Who buy candy bars just because they know I’ll enjoy them. Who teach me to cook and don’t laugh or make fun of me when I don’t know the difference between a paring knife and a steak knife. Who can laugh at themselves when they mess up. Who stand back and let me have space when I need it, but are there for me when I want someone to talk to. Who don’t interrupt me, and let me speak for myself to asshole FBI agents even when it’s obvious I’m hurting.

“I don’t want to go out with anyone else. I don’t need to have a parade of men to choose from when there’s already someone I admire and respect standing right in front of me. I’m not asking you to marry me. Just as you aren’t promising me forever. But I’d like to think the feelings I have when I’m around you are special. I’ve never felt about anyone in my entire life the way I feel right now, in your arms. Maybe we aren’t meant for the long haul, but for right now, it feels awfully damn exciting and right.”