Deep (Chicago Underground #8)(63)

Philip had gone, sometime after I had drifted to sleep but before they had come. He’d gone deeper into the tunnel and disappeared. He’d pulled out so that he wouldn’t come inside me, that last time. It had been a goodbye.

Don’t ever leave, I’d begged him.

You’re so good, kitten. So f*cking good.

But I wasn’t enough. I never had been. Not for family. And definitely not for Philip.





Chapter Thirty-Six

THE ROCKS FELL away, revealing a piercing light. I took a step into the darkness to avoid rocks tumbling to the ground.

“Where is he?” a voice demanded. It took me a second to place it… Barnes. The detective who was determined to catch Philip. So determined that he had been willing to blackmail a judge.

I didn’t answer—couldn’t. My throat was filled from dust, coating the air I breathed after the rocks came down. I didn’t know where he was by now, but I hoped he was safe.

He stepped inside, a looming shadow. I could only see the tip of his short-cropped white hair. He grasped my arms and shook—not too roughly but enough to jolt me. “Where is he? Where did he go?”

It wasn’t hard to act disoriented since that was how I felt. “I don’t know.”

A harsh curse and then he was brushing past me—a thump and another swear word as he must have stumbled on the uneven ground and hit sharp rock. I put a hand over my mouth to hide a smile even though it was too dark to see.

Philip was always a step ahead.

My smile faded. He was always a step ahead of me too.

“Ma’am? Are you okay?” A medic appeared at the entrance and helped me through the break in the rocks, shielding me from pebbles still falling from overhead.

It was stable enough for now. I supposed I should have been embarrassed to be covered in dust, probably smelling of sex and earth—but I didn’t. This was me right now, as much a mess on the inside as out, as crushed as the tunnel itself, barely supported.

I limped down the aisle of the church with the help of the medic.

The sunlight was blinding when we reached the stone steps. This street had been empty when we got here. Now it was filled with cop cars and ambulances—even a big fire truck. I supposed a shoot-out and cave-in underneath a church was a big deal.

Sitting on the back of an ambulance was Tyler, a blanket around his shoulders. And hovering over him, looking worried, was Adrian. My heart seized to see two people I cared about—battered but safe.

Adrian looked up and saw me. His eyes lightened with relief, and he rushed over to embrace me. I lost any semblance of calm and threw my arms around him, crying.

“Oh, Ella,” was all he said, and in those words was a world of understanding.

We had both loved Philip. We had both lost him—never had a chance, we realized far too late.

“He’s okay,” I said, gasping. Because I knew Adrian would worry. “He’s okay.”

Adrian pulled back and cupped my face. “And you?”

“I’m…” Not okay. Almost shaking with grief over the loss of him. It wasn’t new, though. This was how it felt to be with Philip, always knowing he would leave eventually, living in the future pain. “I’m here,” I said at least. Because that was all I could offer, my presence, a small and strained smile. “I’m safe.”

All my life I had been searching for acceptance, destined to love people who would not love me back. Parents I had never known and parents who had adopted me. Philip. It wouldn’t break me. I had been through enough to know that now, but it was cold comfort.

“My brother?” I asked.

Adrian glanced back, a worried expression on his face. “No serious injuries. At least, no physical ones. He’s not talking much.”

I knew if anyone could give him the support and safety he would need, it would be Adrian. He had done that for me years ago in those weeks I’d lived in Philip’s home. And he was doing it for me now. “Do you think he was…”

The word refused to come out. Raped.

A dark thundercloud crossed Adrian’s face, and I remembered that he had also slept with Marco—a one-night stand that had led to the betrayal. “He said no. They’ll examine him at the hospital to be sure.”

My stomach clenched as I realized what someone would find if they examined me: traced of Philip’s come on my back, bruises covering my body from his hard hands and the sharp rocks in the tunnel. No, I couldn’t bear for anyone to look at me now. “I want to go home. Adrian, I need to go home.”

His expression turned sympathetic. “You should get checked out, just to be sure you’re okay. It won’t get him in trouble, whatever happens.”

I wasn’t certain of that, considering how desperate Barnes was to put Philip behind bars. It wasn’t only worry for Philip though. It was worry for myself. I felt like I was fragile, made of thin glass in dark colors, like the stained-glass windows lining the church. If they touched me, I would break.

“Please,” I whispered. “Help me get out of here.”

I imagined me sneaking away into the back alley while Adrian distracted them, but he winked at me. “Leave it to me.”

I blinked, surprised out of my panic. “What do you mean?”

“Give me a little credit,” he said, mock affronted. “I didn’t work for Philip for years and not pick up any tricks of my own.”