Deep (Chicago Underground #8)(46)

Adrian shook his head as if trying to clear the sleep away. “What the hell?”

“What the hell?” Philip sounded furious. “What the hell? You told someone, that’s what. I can’t believe I didn’t see it sooner. I should put a f*cking bullet in your brain. Tell me why I shouldn’t.”

Now fear seeped into Adrian’s expression alongside awareness. “I didn’t.”

“Don’t f*cking lie to me, Adrian. Not right now. Not about this.”

Adrian shoved himself off the floor and ran a hand over his face. He paced away a step and then—maybe realizing it wasn’t safe to turn his back on Philip right now—faced him again. “I didn’t f*cking tell. I’m not lying to you. I would never do that.”

“Who else knew? Are you telling me Shelly told?”

“No, I’m just—” Adrian’s eyes were wild, his breath coming faster. “I’m not saying it was her. I’m just telling you that I would never do anything to hurt you.”

Philip stared, clearly weighing the truth of Adrian’s words. They sounded completely honest to me, and I suspected that Philip saw the same thing I did—the intense loyalty. I wasn’t as sure whether he saw the unrequited love.

Adrian continued in a low voice, nostrils flaring. “And I would never do anything to hurt Ella either. I care about her, regardless of what happens between us.”

The words between us seemed to ring in the air, dark and forbidden. There was no shock in Philip, only stillness. “Maybe you were jealous,” he said softly.

I sucked in a breath and stepped into the room. “He wouldn’t do that.”

Adrian had always been kind to me—both when I’d been a broken little girl and now. I couldn’t let him be accused of this without any proof, any more than I could have let Philip invade Shelly’s house with weapons.

“Thank you,” Adrian said, sparing me a reserved glance. Then he looked away from both of us. “I won’t deny that I sometimes felt jealousy. But I would never have acted on it. I would have just quit if I couldn’t take it anymore. I never would have endangered Ella. Or you.”

Philip still bristled with unresolved tension. He seemed to believe Adrian—at least, that had to be the case since he didn’t have Adrian up against a wall. But he wasn’t backing down either.

“Maybe you let something slip,” Philip said.

“Who would I tell?” Adrian made an impatient motion. “You’re the only person I see most days.”

Philip was right about one thing. Someone knew about his obsession with me, and someone had used it against him. And against my family. Who could have known? Shelly had been the person closest to the situation back then. Colin and Rose, Philip’s siblings, probably knew as well—but they would be even less likely to tell. They were loyal to him even if they couldn’t always stand to be around him and his controlling ways.

Adrian was the only one who would have known about the more recent events, though—about the postcards. About the stalking. I bit my lip, feeling like I was betraying him for just suggesting it. “What if you let it slip without realizing it? It’s known that you work for Philip. Someone could have taken something out of context and realized.”

He stared at me for a long moment. “No,” he breathed.

Except it didn’t sound like a denial. It sounded like shock.

Philip had his back against the wall in minutes, his broad arm pressed against Adrian’s throat. “Tell me.”

Adrian blinked in a kind of wordless horror. His mouth opened and closed. “There was one guy. Just a random hookup at a club, one night when I was off. I was…” A hollow laugh. “I was in a bad way. I let off some steam. Let him f*ck me. Told him about…”

Philip made a growling sound and pressed harder. I ran closer and pulled at his free arm, afraid he would do something terrible in the heat of the moment. “Wait. Let him finish.”

Adrian’s eyes fell shut. When he opened them again, they were full of guilt. “I told him about this guy I wanted. This guy I loved. And how it would never happen. Why not? he asked. He’s straight, for one thing. Maybe he’ll like dick if it’s yours. He was mocking me, but I answered anyway. He’s hung up on this student at U of C. She’s young, pretty, smart, and has all the female parts.”

I flinched at that description of me, even though it was mostly complimentary. It was the bitterness in his voice. I’d never heard that in him before. He’d always been so upbeat, but I realized now what it must have cost him.

“He had your eyes. Your hair. Even the way you move.” Adrian shut his eyes, defeated, almost in prayer. “God help me, he looked like you.”

A jolt went through Philip’s body. His eyes widened in shock—a strange expression on a man usually so aware of everything before it even happened. He shook Adrian. “What did you say?”

“He looked…like you.” Adrian’s eyes were covered in a sheen of tears. “He was a little smaller. Less broad. But otherwise, he could have been your brother.”

Philip hardened. “You’ll die for this.”

“I swear,” Adrian said, looking Philip in the eye, “I never told him your name and I never told him hers. He may have found out anyway—”