Dating Games(92)

He shakes his head. The more I speak, the more tension seems to mount inside of him.

“So that got me thinking. Why would you possibly want me on your arm? Then it struck me. You only did it because you thought it would help you be accepted into these people’s inner circle. That’s all. Not for some project, as noble a cause as it is. You just wanted them to accept you. Why? Why do you care? Why is this so important to you? Why, Julian?!”

“You wouldn’t understand!” he shouts back. “You don’t know what it’s like being an outcast, of never being accepted!”

“So… What? You decide it’s worth sacrificing happiness and who you are just so some asshole one-percenter will talk to you? That’s not who you are. I know it. You’re not that self-centered. I saw pieces of the real you through the cracks in your armor.”

“No. No. No.” He continues shaking his head, his body trembling with the force of his anger.

“That’s the real Julian Gage!” I state over the lump in my throat, my voice becoming louder as relentless tears fall down my cheeks. I let them fall. At least I’m not hiding my feelings. At least I’m finally being true to myself. “Not this person standing in front of me lying through his teeth because he’s too scared to admit he has feelings for someone. That, God forbid, he might just love someone!”

My words must have hit a sore spot because he punches his fist against the wall. The noise startles me and I jump, my heart ricocheting into my throat.

“You can’t fix me, Evie!” he thunders, his eyes red as the vein in his neck strains against his skin. “No one can. So stop—”

“I don’t want to fix you!” I scream, my chest heaving through my heavy sobs. The house has grown eerily quiet as my words seem to echo against the lifeless walls. Drawing in a deep breath, I lower my voice. “I just want to love you. Why is that so hard for you to accept?”

“Because love doesn’t last,” he chokes out. “The second you get a glimpse at who I really am, at all the shit I’ve done, you will run for the hills. So let’s save each other the hassle now and cut our losses. You wanted a firm end date to our agreement. We’ve reached that point. It’s come to an end.”

“Is that truly what you want? To end it? To walk away and keep pretending to be someone else?” I look at Julian through my tears, desperate for him to admit he’s never felt anything as real as he has with me.

He swallows hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down as the harshness in his expression softens. “This is all I know.”

I hang my head low, emotionally and physically exhausted. I want to shake him out of this, to slap him and make him wake up. Will it work? Is it worth it? I don’t know if I’m strong enough to pull him from the depths to which he’s already fallen.

When I don’t say anything else, he takes a step back. “Goodbye, Guinevere.”

I float my eyes to his, not saying anything. I just stand there, studying the apprehension on Julian’s face. He starts to turn from me, but hesitates, a flicker of indecision in his eyes. If this is what he wants, I’m not going to beg him to reconsider. Not anymore. I’m too drained to stay on his path of self-destruction, fighting against hurricane-force winds that will only pull me under and drown me. I won’t do that to myself. I don’t deserve it. Julian taught me that.

With a heavy sigh, he eventually turns from me and continues down the hallway. Just as he’s about to disappear into his room where he can hide away from the world, I call out one last time.

“You were right.”

He pauses, lifting his head, his eyes filled with sorrow.

“I do deserve better than you.”

He nods, his shoulders falling.

“You deserve better than you, too.”

I allow my words to linger for a moment, then step into my room, slamming the door behind me. Throwing myself onto my bed that still smells of Julian, I hold out hope that he’ll change his mind and knock on my door.

He never does.





Chapter Thirty-Four





“You seriously don’t want any of this stuff?” Nora asks in disbelief as she sorts through hangers filled with the clothes I was treated to over the summer. “Why would you want to get rid of it?”

As much as I’ve wanted to share what happened between Julian and me, I couldn’t bring myself to do so. Yes, Nora and Chloe are aware we fooled around that first weekend, but I insisted that was the only time. I never even told them we’d kissed. And often.

When we all got together the Tuesday after Labor Day and they asked about my final weekend with Julian, I lied and said it was just like every other weekend, that I was thrilled to put the summer behind me and focus on my possible promotion. I must be a good actress because neither one questioned me, not even when my phone would ping with an incoming text and I’d jump to my feet in the hopes it was Julian apologizing for his behavior.

It never was.

Now, nearly two weeks later, I’m beginning to think I’ll never hear from him again. Which is why I need to get all these clothes out of here. Not only do I have nowhere to store them in Chloe’s tiny apartment, but I can’t bear to look at them. Every time I do, the memories of my time with Julian come rushing back.