Dating Games(121)

“You seem to work a lot, but your columns don’t appear in the magazine all that often.”

His lips whispered against my neck, the touch as subtle as a light breeze. I closed my eyes, arching toward him. I was thinking maybe against the wall this time. He was tall and muscular, a stark contrast to my short and slender frame. He could easily support me with just his upper body strength, barely breaking a sweat.

“Why is that?”

“I have no control over what they publish or don’t,” I replied in a breathy voice, repeating the same story I told practically everyone.

“What’s this new column about?” he murmured, his hands hooking into the waist of my Minnie Mouse pajama bottoms and tugging them down.

“Office romances.” It wasn’t a complete lie.

“What about them?” His tongue circled that sensitive spot in the crook of my neck, a tingle warming my insides.

“It wouldn’t interest you.” Hoping to distract him, I grabbed his cheeks, pulling his lips toward me. “Kiss me, Kevin.”

I had been up half the night writing, completely uninspired. Maybe this was what I needed to power through this book. Maybe I needed to feel the illusion of love and all its false promises.

My lips a breath from his, he pushed away, his posture straightening. “Why do you do that?”

“What?” I gaped at him, surprised by his sudden serious demeanor.

He ran his hand through his light brown hair. “Whenever I try to find out more about you as a person, you push me away.”

“I didn’t push you away,” I argued. “Hell, I was ready for you to fuck me against the wall, for crying out loud! You’re the one who pushed me away.”

“I’m not talking physically.” His muscular stature shrank, making him appear vulnerable. “Listen…” A sigh fell from his lips. “I like you, Molly. You’re a beautiful woman who knows exactly what she wants. How is this relationship going to work if I don’t even know who you are as a person? Your dreams and fears?”

“Relationship?” I practically choked on my own saliva, my heart rate picking up at his use of the dreaded “r” word.

In the few months we’d been casually seeing each other, which pretty much consisted of having drinks before heading back to my place, we never got personal. I didn’t know much about him, and vice versa. I liked it that way. He provided me with exactly what I needed. There had never been any discussion about what we expected from each other because I was under the impression there were no expectations.

“What are you talking about?” The tea kettle began singing, but I ignored it.

“Us.” He gestured between our bodies.

“Us?” I felt like I was in some sort of parallel universe.

“What did you think I was talking about?”

“I don’t know, but I certainly didn’t think it was that. Kevin, you’re a fun guy. I like hanging out, but relationship?”

He stepped back, his formerly massive erection no longer standing at attention. Regardless, it was still impressive.

“And can you please cover yourself?” I snorted out a laugh. “I can’t take you seriously with your junk flopping around.”

His eyes narrowed, hurt evident in his expression. “You’re a piece of work,” he spat in a tone that emphasized it was not a compliment. He retreated from the kitchen and stormed down the hall into my bedroom.

Shrugging, I pulled my pajama pants back up, then turned toward the stove. I shut off the gas, removing the kettle from the heat. Pouring the water into the French press, I allowed the coffee grounds to steep, shaking off the guilt that tried to force its way into my conscience. Catholic guilt. It wasn’t my fault Kevin wanted to change the rules after several months.

“I’m out of here,” he called out. I turned around to see him walking toward the front door.

“Okay.” I hesitated, unsure of the protocol in situations like these. I never got close enough to someone to know how to act after a disagreement. Or argument. I wasn’t quite sure which this was. “Want to come over later?”

His hand on the doorknob, he stopped. His shoulders rose and fell, then he faced me. “No, Molly. I’m not going to come over later. I’m done putting time and effort into something you won’t.”

“Kevin…” I approached him. “I just… I didn’t think this was a serious thing.”

“Well, it is…or was. For me anyway. But it’s fine. I get it. I thought you were different, but you’re just like the rest of the girls in this town. All you see are the muscles and nothing else.” He whirled around and threw open the door, storming out of my apartment.

I stood frozen in place, unsure of what to do. Should I run after him and apologize? Why? For being me? Sure, I enjoyed his company, and he was pretty good in the sack, but that was as far as it went.

Like I heard my father say all those years ago when my mother left him because she wanted more out of life than kids, like I was reminded when Drew’s ex-bitch, Carla, left him because he was no longer the hockey celebrity he once was, ‘real love isn’t real life’. There was no such thing as happily ever after. Humans existed only to inflict heartache on others.

Nothing would ever convince me otherwise.