Dating Games(104)

“Tell me this, Julian…” My voice wavers as my next question remains on the tip of my tongue, my throat closing up at what his response will most likely be. “When you approached me with your proposition, did you only do so because you knew I was on the hunt for August Laurent?”

He briefly closes his eyes, hanging his head as he drops his hold on me. “I wasn’t planning on calling you as August Laurent that Monday after our first dinner. I was just going to let it go. But I found myself forming feelings for you. And I liked the idea that I could help you get promoted. So I picked up the phone and did the one thing I swore I’d never do. I called a journalist who was hoping to do a story about me.”

“Did you not even stop to think about what this would do to my career?” I shriek, pacing in front of him. “All along, I honestly thought I did something right to get the elusive August Laurent to agree to an interview when he’s refused everyone else for years. I thought that maybe, just maybe, I could prove everyone wrong and show them I am good at what I do. But all along, the only reason August Laurent agreed was because Julian Gage wanted to get into my pants!”

“That’s not true. That’s not the only reason.” He advances toward me, but I step away.

“Oh really? If I weren’t the one sitting at that coffee shop trying to get a lead on August Laurent, if it were someone else, would you have reached out to them?” I lean into him, my nostrils flaring and fists clenched as I wait for his answer. “If I hadn’t shared my frustrations over the direction of the story, would you have granted me access to some of your clients?”

He averts his eyes. His silence is the only confirmation I need.

I push past him once more and hail a cab, keeping my back turned. I can’t stomach the sight of him, of the visible reminder I’m not enough, that I never would have gotten this far with this story, with this promotion, if he hadn’t made it so.

When a cab pulls up, I go to pull the passenger door open.

“I love you, Guinevere!”

I stop in my tracks, choking out a sob at his admission. I’ve waited months for him to finally say those three beautiful words. I pictured him sweeping me into his arms, showering me with kisses as he declared his love for the first time. Instead, it tastes of desperation, one final act to make me stay.

“That’s the truth. That hasn’t changed. You taught me that. You. That has to count for something.”

“Maybe. But you know what you taught me?” I look over my shoulder at him, but he doesn’t answer. “That being spontaneous comes at a cost, one I’m no longer willing to pay.” I hold his gaze for a moment, watching as the snow falls around him.

“I’m ready to give it all up for you. All of it.” His voice is strained and wrought with emotion.

I bite my bottom lip to stop my chin from quivering. “I wish I could believe you. I just don’t know what’s real and what’s not. Goodbye…whoever you are.”





Chapter Thirty-Nine





“Are you certain this is the direction you want to take?” Viv looks at me from over her horn-rimmed glasses.

I rub my clammy hands along my pants, glancing out the window of her office. The city is dark, despite it only being three in the afternoon. A downpour soaks Manhattan, the weather matching my mood.

“Like I said, I’ve given this serious consideration over the past few weeks. I didn’t get the story because of my talent or tenacity. I got it because…” I trail off as I attempt to compose myself. The last thing I need is for Viv to see how the truth of who Julian is has affected me. “Because I had a personal relationship with my…subject, although it was unbeknownst to me at the time. That still doesn’t change anything.” I straighten my spine, rebuilding the wall around my heart. “I would have never gotten remotely close to landing that story had he not had a personal interest in me. You should choose your new assistant editor based on their talent, not luck…or the fact that the subject hoped to get something out of our agreement.”

Telling Viv I no longer want to be considered for assistant editor has been one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done, but it’s necessary. I could never accept a promotion I didn’t earn.

When she doesn’t respond, I stand, heading toward the door.

“Do you honestly believe that?”

I turn around. “What do you mean?”

She removes her glasses, chewing on the end of the frames. “That you didn’t get the interview with Mr. Laurent based on talent.”

“Of course I do, Viv. I dated him without realizing it. He admitted he—”

“I understand that. But do you really think people agree to be the subject of a story based on the goodness of their heart?”

I step away from the door, sucking in my lower lip. “What are you saying?”

She stands from behind her desk and walks toward me, her mouth formed in a tight line. “I’ve been in this industry for more years than I care to admit. It’s one of the toughest jobs out there, especially for a woman. No matter what you do, how much you try to present yourself as serious, there are times when you’ll only get the interview if you turn on the charm, if you make them think there’s a chance of something…more.”