Dark Notes(43)

My heart squeezes at the thought of anything ending between us, but I’ll never lie to him. At least, not about the stuff that won’t get me expelled.

“We were together four years.” His fingers move through my hair, softly, hypnotically. “With Shreveport’s non-fraternization policy, our relationship was a secret. We owned separate houses, but lived together in one. Drove separately to school. Kept our interactions professional at work. Until…”

He doesn’t have to finish that sentence. I’m consumed with images of her mouth gagged with his tie, wrists bound by his belt, and her body bent as he f*cked her on a desk. Is she a better musician than me? Smarter? Prettier? Did he tell her she’s so f*cking beautiful, too? I ball my hands into fists. The sexual positions don’t affect me nearly as much as the idea of him doing those things with someone else.

With one hand in my hair, he scoots closer and places the other over my fists, prying them open. “We were just playing out a fantasy. Having a little fun after hours.”

“Then what happened? How did you lose—? Shit, did she set you up?”

His fingers twitch against mine. “No. But getting caught like that put her in a precarious position. She could admit she violated the non-fraternization policy, that she was willingly tied up, and lose her job in a shroud of shame that would follow her everywhere. Or she could call it what it looked like. Bound and gagged and raped. Either way, I was getting fired.”

Rape. I turn that word over in my head, examining it from all angles. I think I experience it sometimes, but I never know what to do about it. A girl can say she was forced. A man can claim she wanted it. The police decide who’s telling the truth, and if they side with the man? He will retaliate against the girl.

But it doesn’t sound like Mr. Marceaux struck back.

A crazy surge of protectiveness—for him—buzzes through me. “You could’ve defended yourself. Told them about your relationship. Proved you were living together. At the very least, she would’ve lost her job and you wouldn’t have been charged with forcing her.”

“The rape charges didn’t stick. The stigma did, but I don’t give a shit about that. There are a million things I could’ve done to ruin her job. Things I can still do.”

“But you love her.” Oh God, why does my heart hurt so badly?

His expression darkens with a deep scowl. “And she loves her career.” He pulls his hands away and sits forward on the bench, his profile etched in pain. “She’s Head of School at Shreveport now.”

What a bitch. “I’m sorry, but she sounds awful. How can you possibly love her?”

He pinches the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes. “Sometimes you love people you shouldn’t, and in the endless space of that love, nothing else matters.” When he lifts his head, his entire demeanor changes. The man in the waistcoat and tie returns with a fortified jaw and hard eyes as he rises and clasps his hands behind his back. “No more touching and kissing, Miss Westbrook. I’m your teacher, your mentor, and nothing more.”

I jump to my feet. “I would never do that to you. I can’t even fathom ruining your career.”

He laughs, but it sounds more like a snarl. “If we were caught doing something inappropriate, you would have to choose between my career and your education, between a man you’ve known for a week and a dream you’ve chased for three years. What choice would you make?”

Leopold shoves itself into my mind, but I fight it back, refusing to admit it. “We’ll be careful.”

“Exactly. Go home.” He thrusts his finger in the direction of my house.

I glance over my shoulder. If it weren’t for the trees, I’d be able to see my house from here. How does he know where I live? The address in my file?

When I look back, he’s walking away, hands tucked in his front pockets and head down. A bleeding, miserable kind of longing cleaves through my chest. He’s done.

I grab the uneaten sandwich from the bench and trudge along the track toward my house, each step heavier and harder to take. Maybe I don’t have to obey him this time? Maybe this is one of those rules that are meant to be broken?

Spinning around, I race after him. He pauses at the clapping sound of my ballet flats, his broad shoulders tightening the t-shirt. But he doesn’t turn.

I circle the towering pillar of his body, and holy hell, he’s so tall and dark and beautiful. And angry. Deep lines fan from the corners of his icy eyes, his lips a slash of displeasure, and the cords in his neck stretched beneath whiskered skin.

Bolstering my spine, I step up to him and wrap my arms around his waist. Every solid inch I touch flexes with muscle.

He holds his hands in his pockets, his chest lifting with a deep breath. “You’re disobeying me.”

I press my cheek against the ledge of his pecs. “I won’t hurt you. I promise.”

“I will hurt you.”

“Okay.”

His hands grip my shoulders, forcing me back a step, but he doesn’t let go. He bends his knees, putting his eyes at the same level as mine. “Tell me who hurt you, and I’ll give you anything you want.”

My pulse hammers, and my molars crash together. Did he plan this? Did he touch and kiss me until my head spun, only to take it all back so he could dangle it as an incentive to talk?