Dare Me(70)

“Saige,” Holt calls to me from behind.

I don’t answer him, but I turn around to look at him.

His eyes are sad and dark circles have settled under them. “I’m not here to try and change your mind. I’m not here to grovel for your forgiveness because I know I’m not worthy of that. I just came to tell you I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I know my words are meaningless because I lied to you. But I mean it when I say I never wanted to hurt you, Saige.” He takes a deep breath and tips his head back, pointing his face to the sky while shoving his hands in his pockets.

My emotions fluctuate between anger and hurt. “Is that all?” I back away further from him. It’s hard to be close to him because, even though I want to hate him, I still love him. I’ll always love him. But I don’t let any of that show. I keep my face devoid of any emotion. “Because I have to get back to the house.”

He blows a puff of air from his mouth and looks at me sadly. “You know, I hired you because I wanted to do something good. My father destroyed many families, Saige. Not just yours. He robbed countless families, most of them close friends of his, and he got away with it. He walked away scot-free, leaving a trail of destruction behind him, and I’ve spent the last thirteen years trying to make up for his sins.”

He clears his throat. “He destroyed our family too, Saige. My mom walked away with nothing. She wanted nothing from that marriage. She believed nothing he provided for us was earned, and assumed everything we had was stolen from others.” He raises his voice.

Rage fills me, and I don’t know why, but I become emotional, feeling my throat clench. “Do you want me to feel sorry for you, Holt? Because I’m really struggling to find a sympathetic bone in my body right now for your luxurious upbringing—”

“I want you to hear me out,” he yells back at me. “I was in college when all of this happened. I was humiliated. My father was all over the news, my family was dragged through the mud, and people called me a thief. I was just nineteen. I didn’t have a clue what he was doing.”

I swallow hard, shaking my head as he speaks. “Again, I’m really finding it hard to feel sorry for you. Because you see that?” I point to the oak tree across the creek. “That’s where my father rests. His ashes are under that tree. So I’m sorry your ego was hurt, I’m sorry your name was run through the mud, but my father’s life is under that tree. His best friend and mentor took everything he ever earned—betrayed his friendship in the most vile of ways. My father trusted Jonathan.” My voice breaks. “And he lost everything—every single dime we had. We moved back to North Dakota with literally the clothes on our backs. It destroyed him, Holt. All he ever wanted was to provide for his family. Secure his future—and your father robbed him of everything.” My voice breaks, and I feel the tears pool in my eyes.

I hate this. It’s like I’m reliving it all over again. Why did he have to come back here?

My face goes hard again. “So I’m sorry, Holt. I don’t feel sorry for you.”

He looks desperate, his palms upturned. “I just wanted to make it right. I wanted to right his wrongs.”

A few seconds of silence go by when I ask, “How did you find me? Why couldn’t you just leave my family alone? We’ve been through enough hell to last a lifetime.”

He looks away from me, fixing his eyes on the tree next to us. “I thought I was hiring a little farm girl from North Dakota. I was hoping to help her achieve a dream . . . offer her the life her father wanted. Call it repentance for what my father put your family through. But then you walked into Jackson-Hamilton and rocked my world, Saige. You were sexy and smart and witty; everything I wasn’t expecting. You turned my world upside down. I fell in love with you, and that wasn’t a part of my plan.” He looks back to me, his blue eyes full of hurt.

He pulls his hands from his pockets and runs them through his hair. “I know I should have told you who I really was. But I fell in love with you, and I knew if you found out you’d run.”

“And yet you continued to keep your secret,” I snap at him.

“I did,” he admits, his voice full of regret. “I haven’t spoken to my father in thirteen years. When he walked into my office, it was the first time I’d even seen him since I legally changed my last name to my mother’s maiden name. I’d written him off a long time ago. I honestly didn’t think I’d ever see him again. It was easier to keep my lie, because the thought of living without you made me crazy.”

“How many more lies are there?” I snarl at him.

“Saige, don’t . . .” He takes a few steps closer, and I hold out my hand, gesturing for him to stop. He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out an envelope. Looking at it, he sighs and holds it out to me.

“What is it?” I cross my arms over my chest, not trusting him. Clouds have covered the sun, and the afternoon air has moved from chilly to almost cold.

“It’s your last paycheck and a letter of recommendation.” His jaw clenches, his hand visibly shaking as he holds the envelope out toward me.

“A letter of recommendation?” I ask, confused.

He swallows hard, looking sad and defeated. “I made a call to Compass Aeronautical. You have a job waiting for you there. You’re talented, Saige. Don’t throw away your career because you’re angry at me.”