Crushed (Torn #7)(8)

“You do,” he said in the most calming manner, as if he hadn’t just declared what we both had known all along.

I opened my mouth to reject his belief, to argue about it, but I found myself conflicted by my wayward emotions. I loved Lindsey, and I was a loving, loyal friend, yet I was falling in love with the guy she was in love with. It didn’t scream loyal, loving friend. I wished I had someone to blame for this emotion, for this behavior, but I was dumbfounded and even more confused.

My love for him wasn’t a question. I didn’t have to scream it at him or spell it out loud. He knew. With one look at me gazing at him, everything was there for anyone to see.

If I were a shameless woman, I would snake my way in into his heart, seduce him whenever I could just to secure a small part of him that was mine and mine to keep. However, I didn’t want to do any of that. I had no right. He was Lindsey’s, and I should simply try to forget that I loved him, too.

Feeling my heart crack a little, I braced my arms around myself, giving him an apologetic face. “You know what? I can’t do this, not tonight, not right now.” Biting my bottom lip, I spun around, speedily walking away from him.

I was a few feet away when I heard him chase after me. Wrapping both of his arms around my stomach, he smashed me against his hot body.

“Hey,” he softly said above my head, his arms like steel bands around my body. “Where do you think you’re going?”

Anywhere, any place that could distract me from this intense energy I felt from being near him. Having his body wrapped around mine, I didn’t want my mind to pursue a different route to things, perceiving his intentions in the most f*uked up ways and leading me into believing he might want me, like me the way he did for my friend.

Competing with Lindsey was out of the question. Not only would she hate me, but anyone with eyes could also tell Brody was nuts about her. After all, whenever she was around, though he tried to play it off that he didn’t give two shits about what she did, I would always catch him watching her flirt with other men, or when she was simply being her—laughing and joking around—there was something in his face. It was the look a man would give when he couldn’t have what he wanted the most.

Although it was wrong to watch them closely, I did it in a way where it wasn’t blatantly obvious. I knew they liked each other a lot, but Brody didn’t want to break Carter’s trust, so he never dared cross the line with her. He loved her the way I loved him—loving and worshipping from a great distance and suffering within.

Trying to stop loving someone ate at my soul and the very heart of me, but I was left with no choice. I had to do it for Lindsey. I needed to do it for her.

“I’m going to another party. Maybe I’ll have more fun there,” I reluctantly said as I tried to get away from his grasp. It wasn’t necessarily a lie since I had been invited to a few parties that day. It was a Saturday after all. House parties ran rampant in this party town.

Feeling guilty for locking me down, he slowly let go of me, but he didn’t move to step away from my space. With the use of his hands, he gradually spun me around so we were face to face.

“Don’t go. I’m sorry, okay?” He looked it, and I was sorry for all the things I hoped and couldn’t wish away.

If we were in different circumstance, maybe it wouldn’t be so hard…, but even this close friendship with him would get me in trouble. I could see it clearly—Lindsey’s angered face—and I didn’t want to be the one to hurt her.

I disconnected from his intense gaze, needing to gather the strength and courage to keep on fighting my feelings for him. “Tonight’s just not that night, Brody. I can’t handle being teased or any of this. It’s just very hard for me.”

When he looked into my eyes, I felt as though he felt it, too, as though he truly knew the kind of torment I was in. It was confusing.

“I’m sorry…” he rasped out, appearing conflicted. “It’s just you’re always around whenever I need someone to speak to, so let me be that person for you, too.”

Why the sudden urge to be my person? I didn’t get him. Going down this route would only hurt both of us. More importantly, it would surely hurt me in the long run, which was the last thing I needed since I already had a lot to tackle.

I didn’t want to come off like a bitch, but at the same time, it was essential for him to understand that this—our budding friendship and whatever else was there between us—wasn’t possible.

“Why are you doing this?” There was a slight persistence to my voice, maybe even a little hurt because he knew how I felt about him. “We both know you love her…” I trailed off as I watched his reaction play across his handsome, scruffy face.

“Lindsey…” he began saying, as if he was trying to conjure the right words to describe what he wanted to convey before he nipped the side of his lip, drawing breath through his teeth. “Well, she’s Carter’s baby sister, and she’s too much to handle sometimes.”

I knew as much. He valued his friendship with Carter too much to mess it up.

“But you’re in love with her even after all of that.” It was a fact, one I told myself every day. “Does she even know how you feel about her?”

Shaking his head, he then murmured, “No. Hell, no.”

f*uk, that was painful. It was one thing seeing him fall in love with her from a distance, but it was another monster altogether hearing him openly admit it. I wasn’t sure why I didn’t want to direct our conversation to something light or consider walking away from him, but instead, I stood my ground, ready for the punches to keep on rolling.