Cruel Fortune (Cruel #2)(59)

“All right. Do what you want. I’m going to go. I wanted to tell you that I don’t want this to happen between us at every event. That we could maybe just be normal. But you don’t want to hear it.”

The words broke like shattered glass in my skull. “At…every event?”

She flitted her hand and shrugged. “Yeah, if we’re in the same company again.”

I arched my eyebrows. Anger hit me fresh. She was actually going to continue this fucking charade.

“You know I wanted to talk to you to tell you the truth. But you said no, so I left you alone. You’re the one who walked over here to throw your relationship with my best friend in my face. Now you want to talk about other Upper East Side events you’re going to be at?” I shook my head, trying to keep from boiling over. It didn’t work. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Excuse me?” she demanded.

“Where did the Natalie go who told me that she didn’t want this life, to deal with my friends or a family who hated her? What the fuck, Nat?”

“I’m still the same person,” she said indignantly.

“In a designer dress and heels, on the arm of a Warren. You’re exactly the same. Nothing is different at all,” I said sarcastically.

She winced. As if I’d hit home. She must know that it wasn’t the same. That she was teetering on a precipice. Halfway into the Upper East Side might as well be a hundred percent. There was no in-between. I knew. I’d tried to get away. The only person I knew who had succeeded had to change his name and move across the country without anyone knowing. If Natalie wasn’t careful, that was where she’d be too.

“Fine. It’s different. I was wrong,” she spat. “Is that what you want to hear? I don’t see your crew. Lewis’s family doesn’t hate me. I’ve made friends here. And a designer likes me enough to want me to wear her clothes to appearances. Whatever the fuck that means.”

“If I wanted to hear you say that you were wrong, I would want it to be about us,” I told her earnestly.

I took her hand in mine, and she wrenched back.

“I’m with Lewis now,” she whispered as if it pained her to speak it to me.

“Noticed that.”

“Don’t use that judgmental tone, as if you’re so above it.” Her blue eyes flared with fire. “I’ve heard all about the last year for you.”

“Yeah. Want to hear more about it?” She turned as if she was going to leave, but I reached out to stop her. “Yes, I slept with other people. Because you said that we were never going to be together. You slammed the door shut. And the only way to get back at Katherine for fucking ruining my life was to sleep with her friends until I got bored and realized none of them could ever fill the void that was missing. None of them could make me forget you. So, I packed it up and left society and tried to get out. I’d half-succeeded when you walked back into New York City with your fancy book deal and my best friend on your arm.”

Natalie gasped. “My…fancy book deal?”

“Fuck,” I grumbled, releasing her. I hadn’t meant to play that card. I’d just gotten so pissed off that it tumbled out.

“How…do you know about my book deal?”

I sighed and ran a hand back through my hair. “Look, it was an accident. Katherine came to see me and flaunt that you were in New York after seeing the picture of you and Jane. I couldn’t figure out why you’d be here and asked Rowe to look for me.”

Her eyes rounded. “You did what?”

“I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that you were hiding your identity for a reason, but we looked through your page and found your editor, who kind of led us to Olivia.”

She blanched. “Who…who else knows? Rowe? Oh god, does Katherine know?”

“No,” I assured her. “No, she doesn’t. I asked Rowe to bury it, so she wouldn’t figure it out. I shouldn’t have done it, but then I found out you were here at that book signing. I drove to the Village to see you.”

“You were there,” she whispered.

I nodded. “I just…you said you didn’t want to be in this life with me. And you looked so happy. I wanted to respect your wishes. Look where that fucking got me.”

She slammed her hand into my chest. “You showed up and didn’t say anything?”

“Didn’t you hear me?”

“I knew you were there. I thought I was crazy, running out of the bookstore, thinking you were there. And you were there all along.”

She looked frazzled. As if I had confirmed something that had been haunting her.

“I should have talked to you. Then maybe you’d be with me instead of getting new material for your next Olivia book.”

Her mouth dropped open. The spark in her heated to full fury. I liked it better than her contained neutrality.

“Is that what you think of me? That I’m here to get more material to write about?”

“What else should I think?” I demanded, pushing her, wanting her to fight me. “I’d rather think that you’re using us than that you want him over me.”

“I’m not using you for material,” she snarled. “Not that it’s any of your fucking business, but I’m not even writing an Olivia book anymore.”