Crazy Stupid Love (Crazy Love #1)(12)

This is what I need: to feel control, to feel my body physically strain and pushed to its limits. This is the only way I can let it out; the only way I know how.

****

“You’re leaving already?” Audrey pouts out her lower lip as she watches me zip my jeans and start searching for my shoes.

“I already told you, I don’t stay,” I remind her, sliding on my dark blue t-shirt before finally turning back towards her.

She’s sprawled across the top of the mattress, her naked body fully visible to me. I let my eyes take her in, let them rake across her petite little frame, only the sight of her doesn’t even phase me; not even a little.

I’ve had her, and my interest is now gone. That’s how it works for me. I will find a woman I want to f*ck, and I f*ck her. If I don’t f*ck her, I have trouble shaking her, hence why I haven’t been able to stop thinking about Kimber since I left the restaurant three days ago. But once I land her, I know she too will lose her affect on me.

“You sure you don’t want to go for another round?” Audrey pulls my attention back to the bed as I slip on my boots.

She runs her hand seductively across her milky skin, dipping between her thighs as she begins pleasuring herself in front of me. She bites her bottom lip and bends her neck backward, her long red hair fanning out around her.

She’s an attractive enough girl, one I wasn’t initially planning on f*cking, though. I try to avoid the clingy stalker type, and Audrey has all the qualities of that type of hookup. But after the week I’ve had, I didn’t much care who I stuck my dick in as long as it meant I could forget; even if for just a little bit.

“Stay, Deck,” she moans, dipping her fingers inside of herself.

The action does nothing for me, and I can’t pretend it does. Truth be told, I barely got through f*cking her the first time around, picturing Kimber’s face at the end just to get myself off. If I don’t f*ck this girl before too long, I am likely to lose my f*cking mind. I can’t ever remember a time where I have denied myself a woman I want, especially going on days now.

“Sorry, I can’t,” I say, my words immediately halting her movements.

She pulls the sheet over herself and sits up, hitting me with hurt eyes.

“I already told you how this works,” I remind her again. “Once. That’s it. I didn’t mislead you, so don’t look at me like I did.”

“I know.” She pouts. “I guess I was just hoping...” She trails off.

“Hoping what?” I ask, her words making me curious.

“That I could be the one.” She blushes slightly as she finally meets my gaze. “You know, the one you would be willing to break your one-time rule for.”

“What are you talking about?” Her question catches me a bit off-guard.

“I just thought... I don’t know. I really like you, Decklan. Like really like you.” She seems embarrassed by her confession.

I don’t know when this little infatuation started for her, but I guess I should have seen the signs. She’s been coming to the bar more and more frequently, wearing skimpier outfits each time clearly trying to snag my attention.

Standing, I let out a loud exhale.

“There’s a reason I only sleep with a woman once. And that’s because I don’t ever want to mislead a woman into believing I can give her more... I can’t.” I lean forward and kiss the top of Audrey’s head.

“You were incredible,” I reassure her, slipping on my leather jacket before quickly exiting her bedroom.

Sliding on my helmet the moment I reach my bike parked on the side of the road, I throw my leg over the sleek black exterior and fire the engine to life. Seconds later I’m speeding down the street, weaving through parked cars that take up a good portion of the neighborhood roadways.

I drive towards the bar, but once I get close I decide to just keep going. It has to be getting close to midnight at this point, and the wind whipping around me becomes colder with each moment that passes. But I just keep driving.

I need to clear my f*cking head.

I need to not go home where I will likely numb myself with shots of whiskey and maybe even f*ck another woman. The same pattern and yet the results it yields are always the same. It’s an endless cycle and one that brings me very little comfort anymore.

Veering onto the freeway, I increase my speed, taking advantage of the sparse late night traffic. I drive so long that by the time I finally pull off at the Springfield exit, my legs and hands are damn near numb from the drop in temperature.

I don’t know what I’m doing here. My hometown is a place I avoid like the plague, but for some reason, it’s the place I feel like I need to be tonight.

Following the familiar roads I spent my entire youth traveling, it takes only a few minutes before I’m pulling my bike off into a vacant old parking lot that sits directly across from the Springfield cemetery.

Killing the engine, I climb off and deposit my helmet onto the seat before pulling a cigarette out of my jacket pocket. Lighting it, I take a deep inhale before setting off across the street.

The cemetery is closed, of course, the main gate locked and inaccessible to vehicles. But that doesn’t stop me. Clenching my cigarette between my lips, I climb up the eight feet iron fencing that surrounds the entire graveyard, hopping to the ground the moment I reach the top.