Craving (Steel Brothers Saga #1)(23)

Goddamnit.

I pulled a T-shirt on and left the suite, walking quietly to the other side of the house to her room. I knocked. No response.

“Jade?” I knocked a little louder.

“Go away,” she said, her voice muffled.

“We need to talk,” I said.

A minute later, the door opened and she appeared, her eyes streaked with tears.

A brick hit me in the gut. What had I done? I flew into a rage, wanting to beat the shit out of anyone who made her cry.

And then it dawned on me.

I had made her cry.

“What do you want?” she asked.

“Can I come in? I need to talk to you.”

“Sure. Yeah, I agree. We should talk.” She opened the door wider, turned, walked back to her bed, and sat down.

I thought about sitting next to her on the bed, but I couldn’t be that close to her. I didn’t trust myself. So I grabbed an armchair from the corner and scooted it toward the bed.

“So what did you want to talk about?” She grabbed a tissue from her nightstand and blew her nose.

“Well…about last night…”

She nodded. “Yeah?”

“I want to apologize for…”

She arched her eyebrows.

“For not using a condom.”

Her eyes popped open into circles. “That’s what you want to apologize for?”

“Yeah. It was really irresponsible. And I want to make sure—”

“Let me guess,” she cut in. “You want to make sure I’m not harboring some disgusting disease that I might’ve infected you with.”

“Well, yeah…”

“Jesus Christ.” She shook her head.

“What did you think I wanted to talk about?”

“Oh, I don’t know. The fact that we just had sex, perhaps? The fact that you basically told me it meant nothing? The fact that I know that’s bullshit?”

“So you’re saying that safe sex isn’t important?”

“Oh, for God’s sake, Talon. Of course safe sex is important. You have nothing to fear from me. I have been monogamous the last seven years, and I’ve been on the pill for the last ten. You know I just ended a long relationship. I’m the one who should be concerned about you.”

“You certainly weren’t concerned last night, because you didn’t insist that I use a condom.”

She let out a huff. “Absolutely right. I got lost in the moment. It was stupid, and it was irresponsible. But I promise you, I do not have HIV. I do not have herpes. I do not have gonorrhea or syphilis or chlamydia. I do not have any other disgusting little mite growing down there.”

“All right.”

She was telling the truth. I knew it. Her face had turned pink, and more tears flooded her eyes.

I was a jerk.

“But since you’re so concerned,” she continued, “why don’t give me a rundown on your sexual history? I would bet it’s way more exciting than mine.”

My sexual history… She had no idea. But I was clean. I always used condoms, and I got tested for everything every six months, whether I’d been active or not. Maybe it was a little OCD, but I couldn’t help it. “I was last tested two months ago. I can show you the results if you’d like.”

“The results don’t mean jack shit if you had sex with someone other than me in the last two months.”

I had. A cocktail waitress had thrown herself at me in a bar in Grand Junction about a month ago.

But I’d used a condom that night, as well as the next night when I saw her again. Other than that, I hadn’t had any encounters since my last test. A little slow for me, but it wasn’t like I ever went out looking for it. They usually came to me, and as long as the woman didn’t look dirty, I allowed it. A man had needs, after all. I took what was offered.

I didn’t want to tell Jade about the indiscretion, but I had just fucked her. She had a right to know she was safe.

“Only a couple of times in the last two months, and all with the same woman. I used a condom every time.”

A look of distress cast a shadow over her pretty face, but only for a split second. “Then why didn’t you use a condom with me? Surely you keep a good supply on hand.”

I did. She was right about that. What could I say to answer question? That I’d wanted her so badly I’d lost my mind? That I’d been so crazy with desire I had forgotten to be safe? That had never happened before, even in Iraq, where everyone was so needy and was looking for comfort wherever he could find it. If I didn’t have a condom on me, I didn’t do it, no matter how beautiful or desirable the woman was, no matter how much my cock wanted release. I never had intercourse without a condom. Ever.

Until last night.

“I guess I just…forgot.”

She nodded. “I see. And I understand.”

“No, you don’t understand. You think I just wanted you so much that I forgot. That’s not the case at all.”

“It’s not? I readily admit that’s absolutely the case with me. I knew I was safe from pregnancy, and I knew I was disease-free, yet I knew nothing about you. But I will admit to you, Talon, that I wanted you so much, I was so star-crossed with desire for you, that I forgot to be careful. I don’t condone it. I’m embarrassed to say it. But that is the goddamned truth.”