Craving (Steel Brothers Saga #1)(15)

Just fucking ask her.

But my lips stayed clamped shut. If I let her anymore near me, the walls that were already beginning to crumble in her presence would come crashing down.

What was it about her? Why did I want her so much?

I had to stay away from her. Ryan probably didn’t have room for me in the guest house, but Jonah might have some room in his house. I’d go over and see him this afternoon and find out. And then I’d go into town and start the process for a permit to build my own structure here on the ranch. I needed to get far away from Jade Roberts. For her own good as well as mine.

Jonah was in his office, decked out in full cowboy regalia, ready to go out in the field and check on some steers. He looked up when I entered.

“Hey, Talon, what are you doing out here?”

“It is one quarter my ranch. Shouldn’t I know what’s going on from time to time?”

“Sure. But you never come out here. I take care of the beef, Ry takes care of the vineyards, and you take care of the orchard. We don’t bug each other.”

“I didn’t come out here to bug you, Joe. Actually came out ask you favor.”

“Anything for you if I can. What you need?”

“It’s time for me to build my own house here on the land. I’ve got a spot in mind, and I wanted to go over it with you, make sure you didn’t need it for pasture or anything. Then I plan to go into town and file the papers for the permit. I’ll drive into Grand Junction and hire an architect later this week.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea? That will leave Marjorie in the big house all by herself.”

“She’s a big girl. And she’s got her friend with her now.”

“I suppose. One of us is going to have to take over the big house eventually, though, and I figured it would always be you, Tal. I mean, I’ve got my own place already, and Ryan’s comfortable in the guest house. Marjorie will probably eventually meet someone and move off the ranch.”

“Is it a goddamned crime for me to want my own house?”

“No, of course not. Calm yourself down, for God’s sake.”

“I just can’t stay there anymore, Joe.”

“Why? What the fuck is wrong with that house? It’s beautiful. Felicia comes in every day and takes care of everything. You don’t have to do a damn thing.”

“You don’t understand. I have to get away from…”

“From what? Not Marjorie?”

“Of course not Marjorie. She’s my sister. I love her.”

“Then—oh my God.” Jonah raked his fingers through his dark hair that was beginning to gray at the temples. “It’s that friend of hers, isn’t it?”

I looked down at my feet. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I knew there’d come a day. She’s trying to knock down your walls, isn’t she, Tal?”

“No. At least…I don’t think so. I mean, she’s not trying to.”

“Getting under your skin, is she?”

I sat down in the chair across from Jonah’s desk. I didn’t say anything. There was nothing left to say. I was an open book to my older brother. I had been since I’d come back.

“Are you ready to get some help, Tal?”

Help. Poor Joe didn’t know this, but no help existed for me. I was a product of so many different hells, and no one could help me. I had to live alone. Nothing else would work for me. “We’ve had this conversation before,” I said. “You couldn’t help me. Dad couldn’t help me. There’s no way some stranger can.”

“There are strangers who have the right training to help someone like you. In fact— Oh, fuck, never mind. If you want to build a house, build a fucking house. Maybe Marj will want the ranch house. Maybe she’ll never marry, or maybe she’ll marry some poor pauper who wants to live big in the main house. Who knows?”

I unrolled the land plats I had brought with me. “I’m looking at this place.” I pointed to the beautiful area I had chosen to build my home on. “It’s right on the lake, and you don’t currently use it for grazing land.”

Joe grabbed the plat and took a look. “I don’t see why you can’t have it. But you know it’s open grazing out here, so the animals could make their way to you.”

“I have no problem with that.” I liked animals. They understood me. They didn’t press. They didn’t judge. They didn’t ask questions I couldn’t answer. That silly mutt Roger had come around about a year ago, begging for food. I’d fed him, and I’d made a friend for life. The little guy doted on me, followed me everywhere, and I loved it. I loved him, as much as I was capable. Animals were easy to love. All Roger asked was a meal every day, a warm bed at my feet, and a scratch behind the ear now and then, and he gave me his loyalty unconditionally.

“It’s pretty far removed from the rest of us.”

“And?”

Jonah shook his head. “And nothing. I guess that’s how you want it, Tal. One more wall you can lock around yourself.”

“When you’ve walked a mile in my shoes, brother, you can judge me.” I stood.

Jonah stood as well. “Talon, I would have gladly walked in your shoes to spare you the pain.”