Craving The Player (Amateurs In Love Book 1)(71)

Her eyes nearly pop from their sockets. "He doesn't know yet? Dammit, Sierra."

I divert my gaze, shame falling heavy in my stomach. "I would have told him today, but you should have seen how nervous he was when he showed up at my office. It would have ruined everything." I drag my fingertips down a mauve coloured velvet dress before clenching it in my hand, fighting off the sting in the back of my eyes.

"Oh, you silly girl. I told you that this would happen. Friends with benefits doesn’t work. Haven't you learned that from the thousands of movies about it? The couple always ends up in love."

"I don't need an 'I told you so' lecture right now, Sophie. I don’t know what to do." I tip my head back and blink at the ceiling, pushing back the guilt-laced tears that have begun to collect in the corner of my eyes.

"Are you finally going to admit to yourself that you have real, big girl feelings for him? That's probably a good place to start."

My voice is small and chalked full of regret. “I already have.” It was impossible not to. I did an awful job of keeping the lines drawn between love and lust, and now I'm going to break my own heart. And Braden’s. He doesn’t have to tell me how he feels, I already know. He’s done just as awful of a job hiding how much he cares about me as I have.

Friends don't act the way we do unless they feel something beyond an ache between their legs. They have to feel one in their chest too. One far stronger, impossible to ignore.

I wanted to say no to this promotion, to moving to Toronto. But regardless of how I got it, I couldn’t turn it down. I promised myself that I wouldn’t let anything get in the way of my personal successes. Of my career. Cole is just one boss of many, he won’t be around forever. He’ll get bored of me once he realizes he won’t get anywhere with me. He’ll move on and back off. But an opportunity like this may not come around again. I would be stupid not to take it.

The thought of leaving Clare and Liz makes my stomach hurt to the point that I want to kneel over and scream. They’re the only family that I really have, and I don’t want to leave them. It makes me physically ill. But when I drove to Clare’s last night with a bottle of cheap wine and tears in my eyes, she was persistent that I go. That I stop worrying about them so much. She pulled me into her arms and hugged me like she used to when we were kids. We cried together, and then we laughed to the point of crying again. It was the first time that I felt like this might be the right decision. And I’ve been clutching onto that feeling ever since, too terrified that it will disappear if I let it go.

I have all of my ducks in a row. All but one.

Sophie touches my arm, pulling me out of my head. “You need to tell him, S. And not just about Toronto, but how you feel. It isn’t fair to him if you don’t.”

"I know that I do. Shit, I hate that he doesn't know that I'm crazy about him. Even when he makes me want to yank my hair out piece by piece.” I smile for a second before it slips away again. "The thought of leaving him here hurts more than I was expecting."

With all of the sleepless nights spent with my legs tangled in his, our belly-aching laughter that kept Clay up night after night, and the helpless fluttering of my heart with every whisper of my name on his lips, I never stood a chance. I have no idea how I'm supposed to go back to how my life was before eating Italian takeout on the floor between Braden’s legs, watching reruns of Law & Order became what I looked forward to at the end of the day.

"Have you thought about asking him to go with you?" Sophie asks after a minute of silence, her lip tucked between her teeth. She watches me nervously, like she’s afraid of what my reaction will be.

"Yeah, right.” I snort, the sound angry. "Braden isn't the type of guy to chase after a girl he isn't even officially involved with. And his entire life is here. I could never ask him that."

Sophie doesn't reply with words, only a simple nod of her head as she turns back to a rack of cocktail dresses. I didn't mean to come off harsh, but that idea isn't something I want taking root in my mind. There's no need to make this any worse than it's already going to be. I won’t be able to handle it.





Chapter Twenty-Nine





Sierra





Holy. Shit.

I don’t know whether to get down on my knees for this man right here in my apartment hallway or throw myself at him, knowing that he’ll catch me without hesitation. The way my heart thumps so rapidly against my chest bone is terrifying, but I revel in it. Heated amber eyes burn into my skin as he looks me up and down, striking a match to the arousal in my blood and setting my insides on fire.

My stare carries the same intensity as his, if the groan that rumbles in his chest is anything to go by. I ache to reach out and touch him, but force my hands to stay by my sides as I soak in the model-worthy image in front of me.

A navy blue suit jacket stretches across his shoulders, and the top three buttons of his white dress shirt are unbuttoned in that sexy “I don’t care” way. His thick thighs push the boundaries of his slacks, and I begin to wonder if they would rip if he bent down. Giant biceps swell within the tight restraints of his suit jacket when he places two hands on the doorframe above me, swallowing the space between us.

Moving my gaze, I stare at the hands gripping the doorframe and swallow, feeling my underwear grow damp. The veins in his hands seem more prominent to me tonight, thicker, sexier even. An array of simple black rings are placed neatly on three of his five knuckles. It’s a different look for Braden than I’m used to, but I would be lying if I said that it wasn’t curious as to how the cold metal would feel pressed up against my center while he was finger deep inside of me.