Crashed(book three)(104)

“Radios off everyone,” Beckett orders immediately as I move to the mic on the counter at the front of the box. I sit down in the seat and wait for the nod from Beckett once he realizes what I’m doing.

I fumble with the buttons on the mic and Davis leans over and pushes down on the one I need. “Colton?” My voice is shaky but I know he hears me because I hear the hitch in his breath when he does.

“Rylee?” It’s my name—a single word—but the break in his voice and the vulnerability in the way he says it causes tears to well in my eyes. He sounds like one of my boys right now when they wake from a terrifying dream, and I wish I could run out onto the track so that I can hold and reassure him. But I can’t, so I do the next closest thing.

“Talk to me. Tell me what’s going through your head. No one’s on the radio but you and me.” Silence stretches for a bit as my palms become sweaty with nerves and I fret that I’m not going to be able to help him through this.

“Ry,” he sighs in defeat, and I’m about to jump back on the mic when he continues. “I can’t … I don’t think I can …” His voice fades as I’m sure memories of the accident assault him, as they do me.

“You can do this,” I say with more resolve than I feel. “This is California, Colton, not Florida. There’s no traffic. No rookie drivers to make stupid mistakes. No smoke you can’t see through. No wreck to drive into. It’s just you and me, Colton. You and me.” I pause a moment and when he doesn’t respond, I say the one thing circling in my mind. “Nothing but sheets.”

I hear the sliver of a laugh, and I’m relieved that I got through to him. Used a good memory to break through the crippling fear. But when he speaks I can still hear the trepidation in his tone. “I just …” He stops and sighs, vulnerability a hard thing for a man to accept, especially in the face of a crew who idolizes and respects him.

“You can do this, Colton. We can do this together, okay? I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.” I give him a few seconds to let my words sink in. “Are your hands on the wheel?”

“Mmm-hmm … but my right hand—”

“Is perfectly okay. I’ve seen you use it,” I tell him, hoping to ease some of the tension. “Is your foot on the pedal?”

“Ry?” His voice wavers again.

“Pedal. Yes or no?” I know right now he needs me to take the reins and be the strong one, and for him, I’ll do anything.

“Yes …”

“Okay, clear your head. It’s just you and the track, Ace. You can do this. You need this. It’s your freedom, remember?” I hear the engine rev once or twice, and I see relief mixed with pride in Beckett’s eye before I focus back on Colton. “You know this like the back of your hand … push down on the gas. Flick the paddle and press down.” The engine’s pitch purrs a little higher and I continue. “Okay … see? You’ve got this. You don’t have to go fast. It’s a new car, it’s going to feel different. Becks will be pissed if you burn up the engine anyway so take it slow.”

I turn to watch the car with bated breath as Colton starts slowly into turn three. He’s nowhere near even practice speeds, but he’s going and that’s all that matters. We’re facing our fear of him getting back into the car again together. I just never figured it would be me coaxing him to drive that would lessen my own.

The motor guns again, the reverberation hitting my chest as he nears turn four and I hear him cuss. “You okay?” There is nothing but silence around me and the roar of the approaching engine. “Talk to me, Colton. I’m right here.”