Crashed Out (Made in Jersey, #1)(55)

After seeing—feeling—the light go out of Jasmine’s eyes from across the room, their set could not have ended fast enough for Sarge. Something was wrong. He needed to find her. Now. Needed to figure out how to fix it. In the parking lot before the show, there hadn’t been a sense of loss jackhammering him in the neck. There hadn’t been a driving urgency to get Jasmine in a corner and demand to know every thought in her head. Right now, it was all he could think about.

Unfortunately, about forty people were lined up to take photos with him and shake his hand. Lita and James were speaking in hushed tones behind the makeshift stage, leaving him to work the crowd alone. Any attempts to escape were thwarted, though, as he received unnecessary gratitude for putting on the show, for bringing presents for the children. He mumbled his way through it, scribbling his signature on everything from baseball caps to church programs. When he finally managed to break free, he strode for the back hallway where he’d seen Jasmine disappear during their third song, but his progress ground to a halt when his sister, River, snagged his attention.

River looked…distressed. In a way he’d never seen her. And when she directed it straight at him, Sarge knew exactly what it was about. It only took a few seconds for them to meet halfway in a quiet corner of the hall, but it took her twice as long to start speaking. It alarmed him, the way she couldn’t seem to draw a decent breath. “Riv—”

“How could you do that, Sarge?” She covered her mouth with a cupped palm. “You shouldn’t have. I-I don’t know what I’m going to do now.”

River pulled away when Sarge tried to lay a hand on her arm, so he stepped closer and lowered his voice. “What happened?”

“Vaughn. He left me a voicemail. At the church with Adeline, since he doesn’t have my home number anymore.” She paused, as if replaying the message in her head. “It was short, but he said you overnighted him a letter.”

God, had it only been a couple days since he’d sent that letter? It felt like a month had passed. “When things ended between you and Vaughn… River, he didn’t even know you were pregnant.”

“It didn’t matter. I still doesn’t. Do you think I want to be with someone who doesn’t want me?” River’s gaze found Marcy across the room where she stood, watching the big kids test out tambourines. “I was going to do right by Marcy with or without Vaughn—and I have. I’ve done the best I can.”

Sarge grasped her shoulders. “You’ve done unbelievable, Riv. Marcy is just…she’s everything.” He dipped down so their eyes were level. “But we’ve known Vaughn a long time. Or we used to. The guy I remember would want to know you were struggling. He would be sick knowing you were doing this all alone.”

“I’m not alone,” she said, visibly upset by his words. “I have friends. Good people around me who love my daughter and help when they can.”

It hurt when River didn’t mention him, but he camouflaged it. “The money I send you goes straight into a college fund. You don’t even use it.” He blew out a frustrated breath. “You shouldn’t have to work two jobs. You shouldn’t be so exhausted.”

She twisted away on an uncharacteristic curse, then came back. “Who told you all this? About the night job?”

“Adeline. Who else?”

His attempt at levity died a quick death, River still looking shaken. “You didn’t see him when he came back from overseas. He’s not the same person he was in high school.” She hiccuped into her wrist. “And now he’s on his way to Hook.”

“What?” Sarge shook his head, pressure weighing down on him, pushing him toward the floor. “No, I asked him to…call you. Or write back. It wasn’t supposed to happen this fast.”

The fight went out of River, and that wounded Sarge more than anything. “You know, there was a little part of me that imagined Vaughn running back once he knew. Wanting to be a father for Marcy.” She stared at something invisible over his shoulder. “But it’s too late for that. Way too late. Worse…that might not even be what he wants. That’s what will hurt the worst.”

“I’m sorry.” Sarge pulled his sister into a hug, but her arms remained slack at her sides. “I didn’t think it through, River. I thought I was helping.” When River didn’t respond, he tightened his hold. “But I’ll be here now to help. I’m not going anywhere. You don’t want to use the money, fine. You’ll have me. I’ll get the hang of babysitting.”

River pulled away. “What are you saying?”

He gestured toward the packed church hall. “I’m staying in Hook.”

“For me and Marcy?”

“Well, yeah.” That would be enough reason. His sister needed his help, and he’d been absent too long. He hoped with every fiber of his being he would be staying for Jasmine, too. But he didn’t know yet. She hadn’t decided if she wanted anything permanent with him. Fuck, that uncertainty opened a fresh pothole in his sternum. “Yeah, Riv. I want to be here for you guys.”

“No.” Based on his sister’s expression, she’d surprised them both with the denial. “No. I want to do this on my own, Sarge. I need to, okay? I was reliant on our parents, then Vaughn…and when they left for Florida, all I had was me. And I was weak. But I’m not weak now. That’s why I don’t use your money, because I’m proving myself. I’m proud of what I’ve managed to accomplish alone.” She swiped at a tear on her cheek. “So…no. I don’t want you moving here to save me. I’m saving myself.”