Crash Into Me(95)

Our sex was primal in a way that both thrilled and frightened me, but at that moment as he filled me and my body reacted as only he could make it, I felt closer to him than any other soul on Earth. His hands left the back of my head and skidded down the wet tiles behind me, making him sag against my body. I held his head to my heart, listening as he panted softly against me and murmured my name.

He silently lowered me to the floor without saying another word. I stood looking up at his face that now wore a tortured expression. He gently wiped the pad of his thumb over my lips and leaned forward to press his forehead against mine.

"Tristan, what's wrong?" I whispered.

"Nothing," he answered quietly and walked out of the shower. His tone told me that was his only word on the subject, so I let it go, hoping that when he needed to tell me, he would.

After I'd washed up, I found him sitting in bed, just staring toward the wall at the picture I'd painted for him. He seemed to be looking right through it.

I crawled into bed and lay there wondering what to say. Instead of speaking, I let my actions say what was in my heart and curled up next to him. Drawing little circles on the hard ridges of muscle just above his hip, I waited to hear any words come out of his mouth, but as the minutes ticked by, there was nothing. Finally, I closed my eyes, content and safe in his strong embrace but so wishing to know what he was thinking.



His words came out like a whoosh of air from his lungs. "Don't leave me like everyone else has. I'll do whatever it takes, but don't leave me, even if I screw this up."

I knew as soon as the first word left his lips that this had been what was on his mind. Work had been bad recently, but this was what had been plaguing his thoughts. That I'd leave him.

Lifting my head from his chest, I looked up and saw the torment in his face, just as I'd heard it in his voice. At that moment, all I wanted to do was make him happy.

"I'm not leaving you. Is that what that back there was all about? Me leaving?"

"Yes." His voice was a mixture of fear and shame.

"Why would I leave someone who adores me?" I asked, hoping to calm his fears. "I've never even thought of going anywhere. If anyone should be afraid, it's me. You made me sign a contract, which is up in just a few weeks, and you seem to have given me enough money to ensure when you break up with me that I'll be fine."

"I gave you that money to show you how much more you're worth than the salary I offered. I'd hoped you'd see that."

"All I saw was that you were throwing a lot of money at me and never mentioning anything about what was going to happen when the six months was up."

"So you think I'm going to leave you then?" he asked wide-eyed.

As I laid there listening to him, my fears sounded foolish. "I guess that sounds silly, but I did. Jordan tried to convince me that I was all wrong, but you've been so distant sometimes recently that I didn't know." I stopped talking and looked down, sheepishly adding, "And all that money."

Tristan pushed the hair out of my eyes. "I wasn't throwing anything at you. I have enough money to last for five lifetimes. What good is it if I can't share it with someone I love?"

I heard the loneliness in his words. Without his brother and parents, there was no one to share his money with, except me. But what about the contract?

"I notice you're not saying anything about what happens after the contract."

"What do you want to happen?"

I knew what I wanted. I wanted him to tell me he loved me without any need of some paper that said I was obligated to be with him. I wanted him to show me that his feelings had nothing to do with a contract or money.