Cowboy Casanova (Rough Riders #12)(9)

“No one knew because I excelled at keeping stuff hidden. But it was crippling me. I

didn’t talk about it at all. My way to deal with it was with physical punishment.

Making myself hurt as bad on the outside as I did on the inside. That’s how I ended up

hanging out at hardcore bondage clubs and letting any man or woman use me as their

whipping post. But I’d reached the point where I didn’t feel pain. One night I hooked

up with a Dom who started to beat me severely and I didn’t do anything to stop him.

But Murphy stepped in. He became my savior in so many ways.


“After he cleaned me up, he took me to his place. This big bear of a man was a total

stranger to me and I felt safer with him than I’d felt with anyone. I slept for

twenty-four hours straight. When I woke up, he wouldn’t allow me to put up my usual

defenses. He talked to me. He made me talk to him.” Soft bristles swept over Ainsley’

s cheekbone. “There was something about his voice that encouraged me, soothed me, made

me want to please him, made me trust him. Anyway, I told him things I’d never shared

with anybody. Things even I’d forgotten. And after I went through a whole box of

tissues after sobbing for hours, and my throat was raw from talking for hours, he

scooped me into his arms and just held me. For hours.”


Ainsley withheld her questions, hard as that was.


“Murphy had been a Dom for a decade at that point. He’d never considered taking on a

sub fulltime until he met me. His brother Rafe is a counselor. After my meltdown I

spent time talking to Rafe alone, and with Murphy. While all this soul searching stuff

was going on, I fell in love with Murphy.” She sniffled. “Totally, completely in love

with the gentle giant who had such a code of honor that he didn’t touch me at all.”


“How long did that last?”


“Six months. Murphy took me to clubs where I could see other kinds of play. Play where

a Dom administering pain was a preface for sexual pleasure for the sub. Without getting

into too many details, it made me hot. And wet. Two things I’d never felt when the

whip scored my skin. When he saw my reaction, he knew I was ready to experience the

difference with him. It changed my life. So, the long answer to your question is no,

Murphy would never abuse me. He gets me. He loves me. We give each other exactly what

the other needs.” She sniffled again. “You can open your eyes now.”


Ainsley looked at Layla.


“Be honest with me. Why are you interested in experiencing any of this? I see a look

of revulsion in your eyes, Ainsley.”


“It’s more confusion than revulsion. I don’t know why some of this appeals to me so

much.” She glanced away with embarrassment.


“There. That wasn’t so hard, was it?” Layla asked.


Yes. “I’m relieved your story has a happy ending. I never understood why you just

quit your job so abruptly.”


“Maybe it seemed fast on the outside, but things hadn’t been going well at the bank

for awhile. I was more than ready to walk away and start my life over with Murphy. Our

relationship might not be the norm, but it works for us. What is normal? And who the

hell has the right to define what it is anyway?” Layla smiled slyly. “And yes, I am