Cowboy Casanova (Rough Riders #12)(80)

woman, I told ’em I wanted a woman who’d give me total sexual control, without

question or hesitation.”


Ben still remembered that panicked feeling after confessing the truth to his closest

friends. His worry something was wrong with him, even when he’d been too chicken to

act on the erotic and exotic images constantly playing out in his head. Was he a

deviant? A psychopath? A sociopath? Would it be enough if he fulfilled his binding,

spanking and f*cking fantasy, where his partner screamed and creamed from sexual

pleasure? Or would he move on to a violent and twisted scenario? Because from what he

could tell, his ideas were very twisted. Nice men didn’t fantasize about hitting women

with whips and canes. Nice men didn’t fantasize about tying women up. Nice men didn’t

fantasize about doing all of that to women while f*cking them like an animal.


“Ben?”


He looked at her. “Sorry. Just thinkin’. Come to find out Cody, Trace, Trent and me

were all on the same wavelength. We found a couple of clubs in Denver that catered to

what we wanted. Bein’ in those places lifted a huge burden off me. I wasn’t a total

freak. Or a bad man. There was a name for what I liked. For what I was. And a place

where I could go to explore all aspects.”


“Labels are important to you?”


“I’ve always been labeled—Charlie McKay’s middle boy, the one between Quinn and

Chase. But I didn’t think, ‘Hey, I’ll join a kinky sex club to set myself apart’.

As relieved as I was to find out who I was, I didn’t want anyone in my family to know

what I was up to. I still don’t.”


“So began the secret life of Bennett McKay.”


“It was a long way to drive, but we did it regularly for a couple years. Then Cody and

Trace kicked around the idea of starting a similar, private club in Gillette. After

they remodeled the old brothel space, we brought Murphy up from Denver to run it. We’d

met Sully in Denver and found out he lived in Gillette. He brought in Riley. Riley

brought in Gil. Gil brought in Bryce. All guys who either had Dom experience or were

willing to learn. The ten of us set up the club rules, Murphy screened prospective club

members, we opened the doors six years ago. Membership stays steady. But it’s never

been about makin’ money.”


“Are you financially invested in the club?” Ainsley asked.


“Typical banker question.” Too bad he hadn’t invested in it. That might solve some

of his current financial issues. But Ben would come across as a f*cking * if he

admitted an emotional investment to the place had always been more important. That for

him, it’d never been solely about the kinky sex, but him finding acceptance in

himself.


“That wasn’t an answer,” she pointed out.


Once again she’d tried to commandeer the conversation, which had forced his thoughts

to money and how he’d come up with his portion to buy Rielle’s place, rather than the

fact he had a naked sub sitting right next to him. “Because we’re done talking.” He

allowed his gaze to linger on the curve of her breast peeking out by the lapel. “Ditch

the robe.”


Ainsley stood in front of him naked, awaiting instruction.