Cowboy Casanova (Rough Riders #12)(32)

She tried to explain to me why the hurting stuff was part of their life, and I thought

I understood, but obviously I didn’t.”


Ben didn’t remind her everything was consensual. He just watched her pace as her mind

raced.


“But no one around me was horrified. So when Murphy finished whipping her and switched

to the paddle, it didn’t seem as horrible. Mostly because I saw the change in Layla’s

body language. And it wasn’t like Murphy noticed it too; it was like Murphy had caused

the change in her. And each time that paddle connected, I could almost feel her

calmness and bliss floating over me.”


Sweet sub, you really are starting to get it.


“But Murphy didn’t use sex for shock value for the people watching. He used it

because Layla needed it. And I’ll admit it was pretty hot watching him, especially

with two…” she gestured distractedly, “you know. I’ve never believed a woman could

scream from an orgasm. But it wasn’t like a porn scream, it was a you touched my soul

type scream.”


She stopped by the door with her hands clenched at her sides, her eyes closed. “But

when Murphy knelt in front of her, the gratitude, love and admiration in his eyes for

Layla was far from horrifying. It was beautiful. And I never would’ve believed any of

this if I hadn’t seen it firsthand. If they hadn’t let me be a part of something so

intensely personal for them.”


Ben had known Angel was smart, but that didn’t guarantee she’d be intuitive. It also

didn’t guarantee she truly knew what she wanted. He waited for her to regain her

balance. The longer he waited the more he realized her epiphany wasn’t making her

happy. In fact, she seemed to have closed herself off from him again.


He crowded her against the door, relying on the power of his voice, not his body, to

keep her in place. “Talk to me.”


Her haunted hazel eyes burned with indecision.


“Is there something else about Murphy and Layla’s scene that’s bothering you?”


“Yes. No.” Her gaze fell to his chest. “It’s something I realized about myself

while watching it.”


“What?” Ben expected loss of eye contact would encourage her to speak openly, but she

remained mute. “Answer me.”


Her voice was barely a whisper. “I can’t ask you.”


“Can’t ask me to do what? Fuck you? Whip you?”


“I don’t want to be whipped. Ever.” She gnawed on her lip.


“Still waitin’ for an answer, Angel.”


“Fine. I can’t ask you to spank me.”


“But you liked watching that redhead get her ass smacked last night.” That’s when

Ben understood. “You need me to take the choice away completely. Like Murphy did with

Layla. You need me to decide when to paddle your ass.”


She nodded, a bit shyly.


“I don’t like usin’ a spanking as punishment.”


“I’m not usually much of a rule breaker anyway, so see my dilemma?” She peered up at

him. “I’d be worried you’d use more than your hand on me.”


“There’s no need for you to worry because it’d be my decision.”