Cowboy Casanova (Rough Riders #12)(103)

what I wanted, instead of makin’ it about what you needed. That goes against

everything I am as a Dom and as a man. Jesus. I…” He looked into her eyes and felt

his stomach bottom out. “Ainsley. I’m sorry.”


“I know you are,” she said softly. “I knew it last night. But I appreciate you

coming by and saying it and making sure I was all right.”


“So are we okay?”


“You mean am I willing to continue as we were? With me as your submissive for the next

couple weeks?”


He nodded, fear clawing at his throat that he’d f*cked this up.


“Yes. But I want to point out that although it was an extreme punishment scene for us,

I could’ve said my safe word at any time. I didn’t.”


“Why didn’t you?”


“I trusted you. I still do. Although I was confused during the scene and upset when it

ended, I really understand why you did it.”


Immediately Ben was off the couch, framing her face in his hands, kissing her with

sweetness, passion and gratitude. He murmured, “Thank you,” against her mouth. Taking

a moment to rest his forehead to hers. Taking a moment to wallow in relief.


“However, I don’t know if I’m up for any Dom and sub play tonight.”


“We’ll put a buffer between last night and tomorrow night.” He traced the pulse

pounding in her throat. “Because Bennett will be back tomorrow night. Guaranteed.”


Ainsley stared at him.


He bristled under her scrutiny. “What?”


“It’s not a role for you, is it? Not a once in a while thing. It’s who you are.”


“What? Bein’ a Dom?”


“Yes. You can tone him down. Put him aside for a while. But he’s always there.”


“Does that bother you?”


“Not as much as I thought it would. Because you’re the real deal in this situation. I

’m not. I’m…what is the BDSM term? A tourist. I’m gawking around, wide-eyed,

wanting to see and experience everything before I go back to where I belong.”


His hopes plummeted. “Is that really how you see this playing out?”


“I don’t know. I have a few more weeks to figure it out.”


He sat beside her and took her hand. “Something else you said last week has been

bugging me. You accused me of holding back with you. And I realized you’re right. I

have been.”


Her eyes searched his. “Why?”


Because this thing with you scares the living hell out of me and I don’t want you to

run out when I open up. “Probably because I’ve only been on one date outside the club

in the last three years.”


“Recently?”


“A couple months ago. The awkwardness reminded me why I don’t go on dates. She talked

the entire time, tellin’ me all sorts of personal stuff, and she got snippy when I

didn’t blab my entire past life history. But it’s a habit because I don’t share

personal things about myself at the club. I just share my body and my expertise. Crude,

but true. So when you started asking me questions about what I like to do outside the