Corrupted Chaos (Tarnished Empire)(70)

I hesitated, though it didn't matter since he was ready to dive in anyway.

“Because I have. I’ve seen how you operate over the past year. You stay up late working, you walk a tightrope of restrictions, you don’t let your hair down like you need to, and you don’t let that little Harley Quinn inside you breathe.”

“That’s not true—”

“And she needs to breathe, dollface. Or else you’ll never be happy.”

“What if my happy isn’t healthy, Cade?” I chewed my lip and glared at him.

“I’d be happier with a toxic mess of a girlfriend anyway.”

“Don’t call me that.” I stepped back. Fear slithered through me at the same time my heart soared. “I just wrecked your freaking laptop.”

“I know.” He stared down at it. “Want to apologize?”

I crossed my arms because I really didn’t. Our relationship had always entailed me giving him attitude—that was our touchstone—and even here, when I was saying we couldn’t have anything between us at all anymore, my soul was still connected to him. I wanted to be a brat, but I ground out, “Sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Such a good girl. Does it feel as nice as holding back?” he murmured as he got up and slid a finger down my arm. I shivered as he meandered out of the room while I stared at the red roses, the beautiful bloodred roses, still so alive because I’d watered them every day. So many of them the whole island counter was full of glass vases. That’s where the thorns were hidden though, tucked away, pretending they weren’t there at all.

I saw how my little canvas had been propped up against one vase. Cade must have done it . . . he enjoyed the part of me that was artistic, like he could enjoy my beauty and my thorns, all my problems and my strengths.

He walked back in with a new laptop and sat back down.

“You had another laptop that whole time?”

“Even if I didn’t, the staff would have gotten me one.” He was back to typing.

I threw up my hands. “This is why we can never date.”

He chuckled and then took his glasses off to rub between his eyes. “You know what, Izzy? Fine. How about we entertain your idea for a week or two. Have a weekend to yourself when we get back. Sleep on your side of the bed. See how you feel, huh?”

“I’ll feel damn good about it,” I concluded and nodded my head with a jerk. “Come take this bracelet off.”

He tsked at me. “That’s not happening. It’s a gift that stays on you. Forever.”

“Even if I don’t want anything with you.”

He shrugged. “Seems you don’t right now. So, you’re getting what you want.”

I don’t know why I felt like I was going to cry, but tears formed in my eyes. So I spun around and stomped out of the room.

And that was the end of it.

Cutting off the relationship before there ever was one.

I had to deal with my family. Lilah had called me about ten times in the last ten minutes.

So I did.

I called her back, I shared my story, and she listened without judgment. It was what a sister did. And then she got super pissed that I’d never told her in the first place. I wasn't sure why that was such a relief, why she didn’t coddle me through the whole thing, but I needed it.

She even laughed as I asked her if she was worried. “Worried about my sister? Sure. But I’m not as worried now that you’ve let it out and shared it all.”

It was a gentle revelation that she believed I could be okay, that she believed in me and my sobriety. And she’d wanted my reality, not my façade.

The structure I had was falling apart. And the change scared me. I just needed to work, needed time to myself, so I took it.

I went back to the job, and I avoided Cade for the last two days of the retreat. I avoided everything, the calls from the team, from the rest of my family, and even from Cade.

But avoiding life and the feelings inside of a soul always has a way of coming out.





21





Izzy





We’d celebrated our achievements on the last day of the retreat. JUNIPER was sent out to all the cybersecurity teams in every state, and we were assigned regions to make sure they would be taken care of. I set up protocols and trained the team to handle breaches, planning with all of them to have weekly video chat meetings up until the election.

Our last night, once I’d brushed my teeth in the guest bathroom and slipped into a Beethoven the dog T-shirt, I saw Cade lying on his side of the bed reading a comic book. Dressed only in sweatpants, tattoos painting his chest, and those glasses still on, my heart hurt not being able to climb on top of him.

I sighed and crawled into my side, then pulled my Kindle app up. I needed a good romance to live vicariously through.

“What are you reading?” he murmured, sparking the first conversation we’d had that day.

“Not sure yet. I should study some—”

“You should read for pleasure,” he immediately corrected me.

If only he knew about the types of books I read. The blush that stained my cheeks with his wording probably gave me away though.

He chuckled. “The look on your face tells me what I need to know.”