Cooper (Wild Boys After Dark, #4)(5)
“I just want to talk.”
“Cooper, I’m not sure if I can.” As she said the words, she knew they needed to talk. Maybe not now, when she was still barely breathing, but they had an incredibly adorable, loving, smart, chatty, adventurous daughter, and it had never been her intention to keep her from him.
***
CELESTE WAS EVEN more beautiful than Cooper had remembered. She’d gone from a gorgeous young girl to a shapely, confident woman, standing before him with one hand on her hip and fire in her eyes, despite her tears. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected to feel when he saw her, but the rush of emotions coupled with her words, Cooper, I’m not sure if I can, nearly brought him to his knees.
“Celeste.” He paused, trying to remember all that he had planned to say, and suddenly none of what he’d planned mattered anymore. There was only this second, and he wasn’t about to lose her twice, not when he’d finally woken up after years of being lost and realized that he hadn’t, in fact, died alongside his father.
“I know I left you high and dry, and it wasn’t fair. Hell, it wasn’t something I even meant to do, but I was broken. I had nothing to offer you, and I couldn’t stand to be around myself, much less expect you to accept me for who I’d become.”
She rolled her beautiful and sad blue eyes. “Broken? I was with you when you left here, remember?” The anger he’d heard edging her voice softened. “You were anything but broken. Look, I don’t want to relive the past…”
Her words told him to step back, but something in her voice had him stepping closer, bringing their lips a whisper apart. All the emotions of the past consumed him again, as if no time had passed. But time had passed, too much time to repair with a kiss or a promise. The urge to reach out and touch her was too strong to fight.
Cooper brushed his fingers to hers and said quietly, “Cici, when I left here, that night…” He swallowed hard and gave her what she’d deserved years ago, the truth. “That night, my parents’ house was broken into, my father was murdered, and my mother was savagely beaten, blinded, and left for dead.”
Her eyes filled with tears, and she grasped his hand. “Cooper… I…I’m sorry.”
“So am I. I’m sorry for what my parents went through, but that was my hell, not yours. You deserved more than the years of silence I’ve given you. Sorry doesn’t begin to cover what I feel for the love and the years we lost. I’ve never stopped thinking about you, or loving you, but by the time I found my way out of the dark place I’d fallen into, I had nothing left to give. I was numb.” So f*cking numb I was running on autopilot.
Grief, longing, desire, and anger all balled up into one mass of confusion rolled off of her in waves. He knew this was a lot to grasp. Hell, he was still grasping it himself, and he didn’t know how to fix the hurt he’d caused. He was half waiting for her to slam the door in his face and tell him that excuses didn’t matter, but then she did the one thing he’d never expected. She wrapped her arms around him and held him.
“I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through,” she said against his chest. “I know how close you were to your father. And your poor mother. God, Cooper.”
He closed his eyes as he folded his arms around her and breathed her in. He’d been with far too many women to count since the night of the attack on his parents, but none of them could offer the comfort that Cici’s embrace did in the space of a few short seconds.
“I’m so sorry, Cici. I had plans for us. Marriage, a family…”
He heard her breath hitch and realized he was telling her too much, too fast. “I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I’d like to talk.”
She took a step back. “I’m not the same person you left all those years ago.”
“Unfortunately, neither am I.” He reached for her hand again, and she slid her fingers from his, cracking his heart anew. He saw the mental fight to resist him play out in her conflicted gaze. “All I want is a chance to make it up to you. Have dinner with me after the shoot tomorrow? We can talk.”
She nibbled on her lower lip. That hint of innocence beneath her sexy facade was just one of the things that had endeared her to him and made him want to protect her. She did the same thing when they were making love, only then the very same action made her look like his every fantasy come true. And he knew he’d f*cked up. He hadn’t been able to protect her from himself when she’d needed it the most.
Unable to hide his feelings, he stroked his thumb over her lower lip. “That still gets me every time.”
Cici covered his hand with hers, and her eyes heated. “Cooper.”
In her husky whisper he heard the struggle for distance and pressed his finger over her lips before she could send him away. He’d go, he’d give her space, but he wanted her to hear what he had to say first.
“I know I hurt you, maybe too much for you to ever move past. I understand that, Cici, and I’ll regret it forever, but please agree to see me tomorrow night. No pressure. I just want to talk.”
She opened her mouth to speak, then trapped her lip again and looked away. Cooper tried not to notice the way her chest rose and fell with every breath, but how could he miss it in the low-cut silk top that hugged her curves? He dropped his eyes to her tight brown skirt, which stopped midthigh. She looked professional and sexy at once. It was hard enough being this close to her and smelling the familiar sweetness that could only be Cici Fine, but knowing that any chance at a future hinged on this one answer made it hard for him to breathe. Cooper had never wanted anything as much as he wanted her to agree to see him tomorrow.