Consolation (Consolation Duet #1)(26)

I want him.

I want this.

I need this.

I hate this.

Conflict stirs suddenly as realization dawns on me.

I’m kissing Liam Dempsey and I like it.





My fingers loosen and then his grip does. Liam releases me and we both try to catch our breath. I look at him and his eyes drift to the mantel. He stares at the flag and my insides hurt.

“Natalie,” he grumbles in a low tone. He’s upset. “I . . . f*ck . . . I just . . .”


“Please, don’t,” I request hoping he won’t say this was a mistake or that he’s sorry. I hate the word “sorry” and I sure as hell don’t want to hear it from his mouth. I’m tired of people apologizing. You’re not sorry. You don’t know what to say and I’m over hearing it.

“No, listen,” his hand grips my arm as I try to turn. “Fucking listen. I don’t know what this is. I mean, you’re . . . well . . . you!” he exclaims and drops his hand. “We’ve been friends for a long time and you’ve always been his wife. I don’t know if I’m making any sense.”

This whole situation is confusing. There’s a part of me—a big part—that’s weighted and suffocating in guilt. I feel in some small way as if I cheated on my husband. I know I didn’t. I know that he’s gone, and hell, he wanted me to move on, but it’s there. Deep in my gut, I’m tormented that this was wrong. Then there’s the other side of me—the woman side—that wanted and needed to be touched. I enjoyed the way his lips felt against mine. The way Liam took me in his arms and the way my body molded to his. It was everything I needed and nothing I wanted to need. But I initiated it. I went to him and I would do it again.

“I’m not sure what to say,” I reply honestly. “I wanted to kiss you. I wanted to not want to kiss you,” I give a half laugh.

Liam steps forward and pulls me against him. “I wanted to not want to want you, but I do. I don’t know how or when, but I have these feelings for you. I don’t know if we should do this. I don’t know that either of us is ready for this,” Liam says quietly as we hold each other.

“I don’t either. Maybe we should take all of this one day at a time. I don’t know that I’m ready.” I look at him as he gazes into my eyes. “I know I don’t want you to stop coming around, but I don’t know what I’m capable of. I mean, it’s not even been a year and I just . . .” Tears pool in my eyes as I try to process what happened. I kissed my friend. I kissed Aaron’s friend, and I’m not sure if it’s wrong.

“You’re not getting rid of me. And I don’t want to push you. But I want to kiss you again. Unless you want me to stop?” He waits and my breathing increases.

The anticipation builds inside. It roils and grows, taking up every inch of my soul. I want this. I measure the parts of myself, trying to see whether it’s guilt scraping its way through me or whether it’s desire. The desire pools and smothers any guilt. My heart wants this and so does my body. I inhale and close my eyes, taking in each note of spice and sandalwood. The feel of strong arms wrapped around me. I shiver even though there’s not one part of me that’s cold.

“Do you want me to stop, Lee?” Liam’s voice is husky and laced with want.

Liam’s hands make their way up my spine and then back down around my hips. He lifts me off the ground and his breath warms my face. I can feel him grow closer and closer. “Now’s the time, sweetheart,” he says, practically touching my lips.

“No,” I breathe the word.

“No, you don’t want me to stop, or no, you do?” he asks, his nose brushing against mine. His lips are a millimeter from mine and one nudge and we’d be touching.

“No, I just . . .”

He pulls back the slightest bit. “Just what? What do you want?”

What do I want? I want it all. I want to not hurt anymore, and when I’m around Liam, it’s not so hard. He makes me smile and laugh when I feel like I’m drowning in sorrow. But the best part of him is that he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it. It just happens when he’s around.

“Kiss me.”

He presses his lips to mine softly. There’s no rush, no urgency, he kisses me like I’m delicate and breakable. Liam cherishes me as he holds me in his arms and gives a piece of himself to me. I’m open and vulnerable and this kiss shows me he knows that. He’s not pushing me. He’s giving me strength and understanding.

All too soon he pulls back and presses his forehead against mine. We stand embraced and his hand rubs my back. “I’m going to get going. You have to work tomorrow.”

“Okay,” I say and keep my eyes closed while he holds me. “Maybe you can come over again this week?” I ask awkwardly. I mean, I don’t know how all this works. Do I invite him over or does he keep showing up like he has the last month and a half?

He pulls me close again and chuckles. “How about we go out on Friday night?”

I look at him and my heart rate picks up. I’m not sure I’m ready to go out.

“Lee, we don’t have to go on a date. I just meant maybe we can go out with friends as friends.”

Liam’s hands drop and I let out a deep breath. “I don’t know if I can leave Aarabelle.”