Come to Me Quietly(135)

I was splintering.

Breaking.

Now it was just a matter of holding the pieces together.

I knocked once and pushed the door open. “Mom?” I called as I poked my head inside.

“Aly?” She wasn’t surprised this time. She sounded almost relieved.

I edged in just as Mom rounded the corner, coming to meet me. She took one look at my face and hers fell. “Oh, Aly.” She quickened as she approached, never hesitating to pull me into her arms. “Come here, sweetheart.”



Her warmth rushed over me, and I buried my face in her neck, could do nothing but let myself go. My pain bubbled up and escaped as these racking sobs, loud and uncontainable. Part of me had an uncontrollable instinct to hide this from her, because I’d hidden him for so long, but I couldn’t hold it in any longer.

“Shh… ,” she murmured, running her hand through my hair as she slowly rocked me. “Shh.”



Her comfort only made me cry harder. “Mom.” In her name was the torment I felt, a plea for her to somehow tell me that this would all be okay. And she knew none of it, had no idea what I was really going through. But I needed her.

“Why don’t we go in the family room and sit down and talk?” she offered.

I nodded and she shifted her hold to my waist, supporting me as she led us to the couch. She lowered us to sitting, refusing to let me go. She tucked me close and I curled into her side. She held on to me like she’d done when I was a little girl. For a long while she rocked me and let me weep into her shirt as she emitted these soft whispers of encouragement, promising me it would be okay. I just didn’t know how it could ever be. I was so scared. So scared of doing this alone.

“Is this about Gabe?” she finally asked.

Tears ran down and streaked my face, as if expelling them would somehow purge a part of this pain. My mouth opened wide as the confession bled free. “No, Mom, it was never about Gabe.” I squeezed my eyes closed, feeling something tearing loose inside me.

A small, sympathetic breath seeped from her nose, and she caressed her hand down my back. “I didn’t think so.”



I guess she always did know when I was lying.

“Are Dad and Aug here?” I asked because I really didn’t think I could handle having an audience for this.

“No, sweetie, it’s just the two of us. Your dad drove out with him to one of his day training camps. You can tell me whatever you need to.”



I wasn’t ashamed. Still there were some things I just wasn’t ready to say. But it was time I finally said his name.

I rolled a little so my head was on her shoulder, looking out the windows over the backyard where it was all peace and tranquility, contrasting the disorder in my heart. I shook as I filled my lungs with air. “It was Jared, Mom.”



It was always Jared.

The air between us shifted from this soft sympathy to a stunning sadness. Just his name was enough to clench my heart.

Her voice was rough but knowing. “He hadn’t just been at your apartment for a few days, had he?”



Slowly, I shook my head, wetting my lips as I looked up at my mom in admission. “No.”



Mom’s eyes filled with awareness, her words full of meaning. “So he’s the one.”



He was the one. The only one.

I rested my head back on her shoulder. “I love him so much. I think I have since I was a little girl… but I never imagined anything could feel like this.”