Collide (Collide #1)(97)

Dillon closed the door to the vacant room, his unspoken question hanging in the air. The dejected look in his eyes said everything as he crossed his arms and slowly sauntered over to a window.

Emily's voice was barely above a whisper, but it still carried across the room to where he stood, unmoving. "I just need some time, Dillon. That's all."

Without turning in her direction, he exhaled a weighty breath, his voice as low as hers. "I don't understand, Emily. We've talked about this quite a few times. I thought you loved me."

Emily let out a sob, despite all of her inner resolutions to keep it together. "God, Dillon, of course, I love you. I love you more than you could ever imagine," she cried, the words tasting foul in her mouth as haunting thoughts of last night soured her stomach. The last thing she needed was images of Gavin, but it was no use. He was there lingering in her thoughts. His smile...his eyes...his laugh...everything about him further added to her confusion. Her theory about her mind not wanting him was blown to shreds. Just like that, her heart sank a little more. "We don't even live together yet. I thought that would be our first step before marriage."

Dillon turned to face her. "I wanted you to move in with me when you came to New York, Emily. You're the one who didn't want to commit to that." As Emily tried to compose herself, he moved across the room and bridged their distance. With a trembling hand, he stroked her cheek. "I love you. This is our next step, baby. Please tell me if this has something to do with what your father did to your family. I would never do that to you, Emily. I swear to God I wouldn't."

Now Emily's vision tunneled back to a memory nearly twenty years old. As much as she denied having any recollection of the man...she did. One in particular: The morning he walked out of the house and her life for good. Flashes of her confused five-year-old face looking up to a tall figure - whom even at that young age, Emily knew she loved to pieces - cascaded her mind. Her tiny arms gripping his leg in an attempt to make him stay invaded her thoughts like an unwelcomed guest. Though she tried - and Lord knows she tried - she couldn't hold on tight enough. He was too strong for her little body to manage. She could still hear the torturous sound of her mother and sister's cries as he drunkenly cursed each of them with words her fragile ears shouldn't have heard.

Clinging to a teddy bear, Emily followed behind, crying out for him, as he stumbled to the front door. It was a sunny day - that's another thing she remembered. The sun shone upon him, silhouetting his body like the angel she believed him to be, as he walked away and got into his car. She recalled thinking he would come back. He wouldn't though. No matter how many times she sat with pretend tea out among her dolls, awaiting his arrival, he never showed up. That's all she did - waited for someone who would never return. Gone. Vanished like a ghost. The sickening memory brought a fresh set of tears to her already soaked eyes.

However, those disturbed memories had nothing to do with her reasoning for not wanting to rush into marriage. She was scared. Actually, terrified was more like it. She needed to live with Dillon first before making any decision. At least right now, that's the way she felt. Looking back, maybe she should have moved in with him from the beginning, but she couldn't change the past. Nevertheless, today it came knocking on her door in many wicked forms. Though she wouldn't allow her guilt for what she had engaged in last night to cloud her into accepting Dillon's proposal, surely, it had her questioning her moral judgment - drunk or not.

"It doesn't have anything to do with my father," she whispered, staring up into his brown eyes. "I just need a few days to think this through."