Chasing Spring(52)

“Hey! Help me!”

“But, I'm really enjoying the view,” he quipped, skimming his hands down the center of my stomach. My muscles quivered beneath his touch even as the t-shirt started to cut off circulation.

He reached up to help pull it off, but the ominous sound of the front door opening stopped us dead in our tracks.

“Guys! I'm home. Do you want to go grab dinner?” my dad shouted up the stairs.

Chase and I scrambled apart and I yanked my t-shirt back down over my chest. In a flash of silent shouts and rushed gestures, Chase had his shirt in hand and was creeping across the hall to his room.

“Guys?”

“Okay Dad! Just one second!” I yelled back, keeping my eyes on Chase.

He turned to close his door and his wickedly handsome smile was the last thing I saw.

It was the first time I’d let my love for Chase see the light of day.





Chapter Fifty-One


Lilah





The following week passed in slow motion. Each day blurred from moment to moment: walking to school, sitting through classes, pretending to be okay, avoiding questions, and putting on a fake smile for Chase. I thought that my feelings for him would settle into something comfortable, but Chase and I had passed the point of no return. I was blind with love for him and the more I realized it, the more it scared me.

I loved Chase. I loved him and no one could see how beautifully pure the feeling was. They were too consumed by the juxtaposition of what “was” and what “should be”. To them, I wasn't even worthy of being a star-crossed Capulet to his Montague—I was more the serving wench that must have slipped a love potion into Romeo's stew. I’d stolen him right out from beneath Juliet.

Every day during lunch, I walked by the cafeteria and paused to take in Chase among his friends. I was like an anthropologist studying the habits of a culture I’d never been a part of. I evaded Chase's invitations to join him, choosing instead to hide out in the library or the nature center, whichever one suited my fancy that day.

It felt good to breathe on my own again, to spend thirty minutes without the constant feeling of having someone watching me, studying me, judging me.

I was standing at the door of the cafeteria on Friday when Kimberly walked by with a group of Diamond Girls. When she saw me, she waved off her friends and hung back to talk to me.

“Hey, what are you doing out here?” she asked with a friendly smile.

“Just…regrouping,” I said, speaking the truth for the first time in a week.

Kimberly's eyebrows knit together. “Are you and Chase okay?”

I looked past her shoulder to see Chase reach down for a handful of fries. He was wearing his trademark smirk and I just couldn't do it any more. I couldn't fake it.

“Do you ever think about being with Chase?” I asked, ignoring her prior question altogether.

She tilted her head, her friendly smile slipping ever so slightly. “What do you mean? We dated junior year, but that's over now.”

I shook my head. “No, I know that. I mean in the future.”

Her eyes narrowed and she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth while she thought.

“I guess I’ve thought about it a little.”

I took a deep breath, trying to shove aside the feeling of acid eating away at my stomach. “It's just that ever since I started dating him, I've sort of felt like an impostor.” I paused, wondering if I should keep going. “And then I see you and him together and it just fits. It makes so much sense.”

She smiled, obviously uncomfortable with my honesty. “But you're with him. He wants to be with you, Lilah.” She pointed to my chest as if to emphasize that point.

I nodded because for now, she was right. For now, I had the golden boy, but it wouldn’t last; he’d picked the wrong girl.

I swallowed down the thought, shoving it so far beneath the surface that by the time physics rolled around, I could offer Chase my best attempt at a genuine smile. Mr. Jenkins passed out the problem set and I focused on it like my life depended on it. Chase and I worked through it together while Connor lagged behind. In a lot of ways, it was the same Friday afternoon I’d had for the last few months, until Chase’s phone buzzed and I glanced down to see an incoming call from Kimberly.

My stomach clenched at the sight of her name. Did she call him often? She was his Diamond Girl, of course she did.

I pretended not to notice the call and he ignored it, but just as we turned in our problem sets, his phone buzzed again. This time he asked to use the restroom so he could answer it. The final bell rang and he never came back.

I watched the other kids in my class bolt, including Connor, but I waited. I glanced back and forth from Chase’s backpack to the door, wondering if he was going to bother coming back for it. Mr. Jenkins packed up his classroom and offered me an expectant glare.

“It looks like Chase skipped out of class early. When you see him please let him know that he’ll be serving detention for that next week.”

I nodded and carried out both of our backpacks, one on each shoulder.

The sky had been dark and cloudy during lunch, but the rain waited long enough for me to eat my sandwich out in the nature center. As I walked out after the final bell, I knew I wouldn’t be so lucky for my walk home.

The wind whipped my hair across my face and I stared up to see dark rumbling clouds overtaking the sky. I smiled thinking about how much my plants needed the rain. It was the first time I'd smiled all week and it slipped away as soon as I looked down to see Chase walking side by side with Kimberly. He’d been running late, and now I knew why. He wasn’t planning on meeting me at all.