Chasing Abby(52)

“It’s a little more complicated than coming or going, Ryder. There’s a lot of stuff going on underneath. Stuff that even I don’t understand. And I don’t want to hurt anyone. Including myself.”
He stared at my black suitcase for a minute, then he looked up. “My dad said pain is what makes us stronger. If you stay, maybe your heart will get stronger and you won’t have to take all that medicine.”
I chuckled at this. “So you’re saying I should tough it out? That it will be worth it in the end?”
He nodded at first, then he shrugged. “Does that mean you’re staying?”
How could I say no when my eleven-year-old brother begs me to be strong for him? I put my suitcase back on the shelf and tried not to feel too guilty when Jimi opted to sleep on the sofa bed with Sydney last night. But I woke up this morning with a new resolve to endure and enjoy this summer with the Knights.
I’m in the kitchen helping Claire put together some trays of campfire foods: hot dogs, chicken skewers, and all the components for s’mores. Jimi and Sydney are at the grocery store picking up some more soda and napkins. Caleb is out on the beach helping Chris and the boys get the fire started. Tonight is the big bonfire where I get to meet more people who’ve been dying to meet me.
“Can you put some foil over that tray, sweetie?” Claire says, nodding at a tray of hot dog buns on the counter next to the kitchen sink.
I secure a couple of pieces of foil over the tray then turn back to her. “Can you remind me who I’m meeting today? I don’t want to forget their names.”
“Oh, don’t worry about forgetting their names. They’ve had eighteen years to remember yours. No one’s going to get upset if you don’t have their name down on the first day.”
I take a deep breath as I tuck my hands into the pockets of my jean shorts. “Well, do you think you can tell me what happened to… to your mom?”
Her back is to me as she grabs some tongs out of a drawer on the kitchen island, but for a moment she’s frozen. Then she sets the tongs down on the cutting board in front of her and slowly closes the drawer. When she turns around, she’s wearing a faint smile that just barely hides the pain in her eyes.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just wondered why I’m not going to get to meet her.”
She lets out a regretful sigh. “Oh, she would have loved to meet you. I’m sure of that.” She pauses for a moment and I consider telling her to forget I asked, but she finally looks up and her eyes focus on mine. “My mother died of a self-induced drug overdose when I was seven years old. She… She took her own life. She had a very difficult childhood and she just couldn’t hang on any longer. But there’s not a day that goes by when I don’t wish she could have been stronger for me. But…” She smiles a bit to herself. “I may have never met Chris and your Grandma Jackie if my mother had been stronger. Jackie Knight took me into her home when I was fifteen. I had no home. No family. No friends. I had nothing. Jackie gave me all those things and more. She’s an incredible woman and the kids adore their grandma. I can’t wait for you to meet her. And Joel, too.”
“Did somebody say my name?”
We both turn toward the hallway and a man with a gray beard and full head of gray hair is holding out his arms for Claire.
“Hey, Grandpa!” Claire says, hurrying to him to give him a big hug.
A woman with short, stylish auburn hair squeezes around them. “Where’s—”
She sees me before she can finish her sentence and I have a feeling she was going to ask for me. Her brown eyes widen and I can see the resemblance between her and Chris. Yes, I have her eyes.