Chasing Abby(32)

“What? Just say it.”
He lets out a soft chuckle and shakes his head. “You’ve known them for, like, two seconds and…”
My smile disappears as I anticipate he’s going to criticize me for being a bad daughter.
“It’s like…” he continues, still trying to find the right words. “Like you’ve always belonged here.”
I slide my phone into my pocket and try to focus on taking deep breaths. “This is all so weird. I never, ever in a million years expected this. I never expected to…” I can’t finish this sentence. I can’t say that I never expected to be wanted.
Just as this thought crosses my mind, the front door opens and I’m not surprised to see Claire standing at the threshold. “Is everything okay?” she asks as she steps outside.
I nod, but I don’t say what I’m thinking. What I’m really thinking is that everything is not okay. It’s nowhere close to okay. And I’m totally okay with that.

Chapter 15 - Chris



FEAR IS INSIDIOUS. It’s a noxious gas that chokes the brain of common sense and motivation. There have been many moments over the past eighteen years when I feared I had become my father.
My father left my mother and me when I was six years old. The few memories he left me with are so hazy I sometimes wonder if he ever existed. At a very young age, I came to an unnatural realization: I didn’t miss my father. At first, I thought this was a sign that there was something wrong with me. I tried to fight this part of me that thought it was okay to let go. I even got a tattoo of a pocket watch with the hands stuck at 3:15, the time my father left, to remind me to care. But it didn’t work. I never had any desire to meet the father who abandoned me. So the fact that Abby is in my house, to me, is a miracle. It means I have another chance at not repeating my father’s mistakes.
I watch with great anticipation as the front door opens and Claire walks in, followed closely by Abby and Caleb. I let out a sigh of relief as they assemble in the foyer and Claire closes the door behind them, wearing the kind of smile I only see her wear when she’s with her children.
“Is everything okay?” I ask. “Are you all ready for me to make some lunch?”
Claire comes to me with her hand stretched out before her. She may be smiling, but she usually reaches for me like this when she needs comfort or reassurance. Like me, she’s afraid this visit could be cut short at any moment.
I pull her toward me, planting a kiss on her forehead as I slide my arm around the small of her back. “I make a pretty mean grilled cheese,” I continue.
“Yeah, Chris took cooking lessons a few years ago when I took a six-week trip to Indonesia. He’s a better cook than I am now, not that that’s saying much.”
A smile pulls at one side of Abby’s mouth. “This is really weird, right? Or is it just me?”
I try not to let the ache in my chest manifest in my facial expression. “It is definitely weird. I can’t imagine what it must feel like for you to know that we’ve always known you existed. You must think… Well, I always hoped that you would understand, to some degree, that a great deal of this situation was out of our control.”
I turn to Claire to see her reaction to my words and, as expected, her jaw is clenched and her eyes are beginning to water. No amount of therapy over the past eighteen years could convince Claire that she was not to blame for us losing the battle for an open adoption. No matter how many times I’ve tried to make her see the truth.
The truth is that the war over Abby began the moment Claire gave her up for adoption. But we lost multiple battles for Abby because of my fame. If I were an electrician like Brian, Abby would have spent the last eighteen years knowing that we always wanted her. Now, we have maybe a few hours to convince her of this.