Chasin' Eight (Rough Riders #11)(60)

Wow. Insecure much?
Problem was… once those self-doubts surfaced, they multiplied. Maybe men were leery of becoming tabloid fodder if they publicly dated her. Maybe men were sick of big-boobed blondes. Maybe she should lose ten pounds, buy a whole new slutty wardrobe and then she’d have men falling at her feet.
Maybe you can wave your magic wand from the prop department and generate world peace. This negativity and second-guessing is not helping. You’ve never needed a man’s approval to feel secure or to define you on any level—personally or professionally.
That wasn’t true. She’d managed to fake that self-assured air so many of her peers owned—at least when it came to her career. But she failed miserably when it came to presenting the I’m-so-hot-don’t-you-want-me-baby? attitude around men. Give her a script and she could act brash and sexy. Not so easy in the real world.
Sad thing was? Even the small scrap of relationship confidence she’d gained after being Jake’s girlfriend had vanished after the tabloid story broke. For those months she’d been half a couple, she’d felt good about herself, knowing a beautiful, desirable man like Jake was attracted to her. Didn’t that make her beautiful and desirable too? Which afterward, sort of made her feel pathetic, that she’d needed validation badly enough she overlooked the warning signs in their relationship. Before Jake had entered the picture, she’d sworn to herself she’d step out of Hollywood and find a man who wasn’t in the entertainment industry. Like most single women she was mortified at the idea of asking her parents for a fix-up. So she’d been this close to signing up for a private dating service. She’d spent way too many weekend nights alone in her pajamas watching TV, eating ice cream straight out of the carton. Wouldn’t that make a great tabloid headline? Actress Ava Cooper—why are Ben & Jerry the only men in her life?
Dammit. For the first time in years Ava felt totally comfortable being herself around a man she was wildly attracted to. Yes, she’d been fun and flirty, sexy even, but it didn’t feel like acting. She’d taken a chance and shown Chase the real Ava. He hadn’t run away calling her a freak, yet he’d still relegated her to the “friend zone” probably permanently. She could tell herself over and over that his refusal to become her lover was nothing personal, but that broken, feminine part inside of her took it very personally. Problem was, she didn’t know what to do about it. Did she move on to another man in hopes he’d burn up the sheets with her? That idea held little appeal for her now, even when many of the cowboys she’d crossed paths with had made it very clear they’d love to take her for a ride.

Wanting what you can’t have will only make this trip miserable. And this trip isn’t only about getting down and dirty with Chase McKay.
Also true. Disgusted with herself for wallowing, she focused on the task at hand for today—finding a motel within their budget.
Chase wandered to check out the contractor’s rough stock.
Ava wasn’t content texting him; she called. “Hey, I found us a room. I actually comparison shopped. This place isn’t as nice as the first one I checked out, but it does have free Wi-Fi.”

It amused the hell out of him that she sounded so damn proud of herself. “It’s less than a hundred bucks?”

“Of course. Be nice if you had a little faith in me, Sundance. Anyway. I’m starved. I’ll probably try to find something healthy before I head to the rodeo grounds. Did you want me to pick you something up?”

“If it’s healthy? Hell no. I noticed a couple of tempting treats as I wandered past the vendor stands.”

“We are talking about food treats, right?” she said sharply.