Calmly, Carefully, Completely(75)

She lifts her coffee cup to her lips and regards me over the rim of it while she takes a sip. “Does this have anything to do with Pete?” she asks.

I can’t lie to my mom. I’d be really bad at it if I tried. “Only everything.” I grin at her expression. She’s grinning, too, and it’s almost contagious. “I want to go back and spend some time with him.” I shrug. “See where things go.”

“He’s the one, huh?” she asks.

I nod my head. “Yeah, I think so.” My voice is quiet, but I feel lighter than I have in a long time.

“Do you want me to call to see if I can get you in to visit the doctor today?” she asks. Doctor? Why do I need a doctor? “There’s a tiny little matter of birth control,” she says.

“Oh.” I completely forgot about that. Heat creeps up my cheeks. “Do you think you could?” I ask. I wince inward. This is so awkward. But who can you talk to about this stuff if you can’t talk to your mom?

She picks up her phone. “I’ll see what I can do.”

“I’m going to go upstairs and pack,” I say. I am almost giddy. This is a big decision. I just hope that when we get back to the city, things are the same between Pete and me. What if we go back and real life intrudes? What if the magic is gone? What if he doesn’t like me as much as I like him?

I can’t find my flip-flops, so I go to the top of the stairs to call down to my mom. But she’s talking to my dad. I can hear their voices, soft and hesitant. Then my dad says, “What the f*ck are you thinking, encouraging this?”

I freeze. I shouldn’t even listen in but I can’t help it.

“I’m encouraging her to grow up, honey,” she says. “That’s all.”

“She’s not going back to the city. Not yet. Absolutely not.” I hear some dishes slam, and I wince with every one of them.

“She’s going. She’s packing now.” Mom is quiet but firm.

“Why doesn’t this bother you? She needs her family around her more than she needs some boy.”

My mom steps into my line of vision, and I can see her lay a calming hand on my dad’s chest. “She doesn’t need us for this stage of her life, honey,” she says. “She needs him.”

“Why him?” Dad growls.

“Pete’s a good man,” she says. “You know it.”

Dad growls again, and mom laughs. “I’m not going to like any man who wants to get in my daughter’s pants,” he grumbles.

“Can you see how she’s woken up since he got here, Bob?” she asks. Her voice is firm. “She’s not jumping at shadows, and she’s letting people touch her. She’s laughing. She’s thinking about more than just hiding in her room. She’s living again, Bob. So, knock it off. This is a good thing.” She points her finger at him in warning. “And don’t you say a thing to her about it.”

I go back to my room and finish packing. I feel bad for Dad, but I suddenly am living a hopeful existence. And I like it. I don’t want to change it. I want to chase it all the way to New York so it won’t get away from me. It’s not just Pete I’m chasing after. It’s the promise of a future. That’ll happen with or without him, but I’m hopeful for the first time in a very long time.





Pete



It’s time to start packing up and loading the bus, even though the campers aren’t done with their activities yet. But we have to pull out around dark so we can be back to the city by midnight. I look around and hate to even think about leaving. When I go back to the city, I’ll go back to house arrest and I’ll be back with my brothers. I’ve enjoyed the freedom I’ve had here, though, and now I know what I want to work toward. I don’t know what Reagan’s schedule looks like, but I hope she’ll still want to see me when she comes back to the city.