Calmly, Carefully, Completely(104)

Reagan hooks her thumbs in the waistband of her sleep shorts and pulls them down, along with her panties. Oh, dear God.

“Be right back,” I grunt. I turn and slide out the door, stopping to press my back against it once I’m outside, and take deep breaths until my junk realizes it’s not in the room with her anymore.

When I can finally catch my breath, I walk out into the living room and see Paul and Matt sitting there watching a movie. Matt came home about an hour ago, his eyes rimmed in red. He was quiet, but when I went to say something to him, Paul shook his head at me in warning. So, I let it be. I walk over and hit the “pause” button on the TV. They both look up, scowling. But I must look a fright, because they are suddenly concerned. “What’s wrong?” Paul asks.

“Nothing,” I gasp out. I drop onto the sofa and put Ginger in Matt’s lap. He smiles and lets the kitten burrow into his neck. He grins and nuzzles his face into her. I drop my face in my hands.

“She’s not ready, is she?” Paul asks. I f*cking hate it when he does this. It’s like he’s psychic. He knows what we’re thinking before we even say anything and he always has. We couldn’t get away with shit, unless Sam and I worked together to pull off one prank or another. Or get arrested.

“She’s ready,” I gasp out. “But… But… But… But…” I shut up, because I can’t find the right words. I groan and flop back against the couch. “What if I f*ck it all up?” I ask.

“How do you think you’d do that?” Matt asks. The kitten has nuzzled into the collar of his shirt and sits there, soaking up his heat. “It’s not like you’re a f*cking virgin, dummy,” he says.

I don’t even know how to articulate what I’m feeling. Not at all. “I’ve never loved any of those other girls.”

Matt takes a sip of his beer and stares at me. “But you love this one.” It’s not a question. It’s a statement. And it’s a fact.

“Yeah.”

“You need a lesson on the birds and the bees?” Paul asks. “You put tab A into slot B.” He makes a crude gesture with his fingers. “Or tab A into slot C.” He grins. “Or Tab A into slot D. But some girls don’t like that, so don’t start there. You might even save that for a birthday or special occasion. Yours. Not hers.”

I pick up a pillow and throw it at his head. He laughs and catches it.

Finally, he says softly. “Stop psyching yourself out.”

“She’s been through so much,” I say. I look toward the closed door.

“You haven’t had any problems being what she needs, Pete. She doesn’t need much. Just for you to love her. Let her lead this. Let her show you what she wants,” Paul says quietly

She’s naked in my room. I already know what she wants. “Okay,” I say. I look at Matt’s, who’s rubbing noses with the kitten. “Can you cat sit?”

“I’ll keep Ginger Von Stinkybutt with me. No problem,” he says. He’s so quiet, and I know he had a hard day, but I don’t know what to say to him.

I squeeze his knee and walk toward my bedroom. Paul calls my name and jerks a thumb toward the drawer in the kitchen with all the condoms in it. I grin and go get a handful.

“Never could say that boy isn’t prepared,” Matt says playfully. He gives me a thumbs-up and a stupid grin.

I open the bedroom door, but Reagan has turned off the light. There’s a dim glow from the lamp beside my bed, but that’s all. Reagan lies on her belly her arms folded under the pillow. Her tattoo is shiny and a little puffy. I still can’t believe she got a tattoo. Her dad is going to kill me. And her. Her back is naked, and I know she’s in her birthday suit beneath the sheets.