California Girls(61)

“No, but I don’t get it. My sister is devastated by what’s happening in her marriage. Shouldn’t I be feeling at least a little of that? And if I’m not, why did I want to marry him in the first place?”

“You were in a relationship and it progressed. That’s pretty natural.”

“I guess. What I don’t know is where it all derailed.”

His gaze sharpened. “You know that whatever went wrong is his fault. You didn’t do anything. Glen is the one who walked away.”

“Obviously he didn’t love me and while it hurts to say that, I’m not broken by the concept. I don’t feel much of anything. So what happened? Was I fooling myself? Taking the easy way out? I don’t want to be a shallow person.”

“You’re not. Ali, you believed him and trusted him and he betrayed that. Maybe you weren’t as in love with him as you thought, but I don’t think that makes you shallow. Sometimes love grows over time and sometimes it fades. Maybe your love faded.”

“You’re putting a very nice spin on it considering I was going to marry him,” she said, kicking off her shoes and tucking her feet under her. “I think I was impressed by Glen in the beginning. Not crazy about him, but I liked him and then as the relationship continued, I went along with it. I thought he was a nice guy who cared about me and that was appealing.” She hesitated again. “I’m not a super visible person.”

“What does that mean?”

“I got overlooked a lot as a kid. My mom totally focused on Finola, and Zennie was my dad’s favorite. There wasn’t a parent left for me.” She sighed. “That sounds so dramatic, but it was true. I had friends and stuff, but...” She looked at him. “Too pathetic?”

“Not pathetic at all. We are all the product of how we were raised. If your parents had been different, you would be different.”

“I’d had boyfriends before, but nothing really serious. Glen noticed me at a fund-raiser my sister hosted. He came right up to me and started talking to me. Nothing like that had ever happened before. He was funny and had a good job.”

She wrinkled her nose. “That’s not very romantic, is it? Shouldn’t I have said he swept me away? That I couldn’t imagine life without him? Did I want to be with him because that’s the stage we were at? I mean he broke up with me, so why did he propose in the first place?” She looked at Daniel. “I saw a comedian on TV once, talking about how the reason people get married is they reach a place in their relationship when there’s nothing left to say so one of them says let’s get married and then they have a lot to talk about. I don’t want it to have been that.”

“It wasn’t.”

“You can’t be sure.”

“I know you. You wanted what most people want—a connection. A partner who will love you back and be there when you need him. You wanted to be a part of something, you wanted to love and be loved. You wanted kids.”

She smiled. “Apparently Glen talked about me more than I thought. You’re right. I did want all those things. I wanted to be like everyone else. Not famous or anything exciting. I just wanted to belong.”

She felt tears burning in her eyes. “You know what? I miss that. I don’t miss Glen but I miss being a couple. What’s up with that?”

“I think it’s really normal.”

She managed a strangled laugh. “You’re really good to me, Daniel. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He looked at her. “You didn’t do anything wrong—I know. I was married before. We went into our relationship with the best of intentions and then it all went south. I can’t say she was a total bitch, because she wasn’t, and I didn’t cheat or do drugs or even hang out with my friends too much. We just weren’t happy together.”

“We both know Glen wasn’t happy with me.”

“We both know Glen’s a dick.”

She smiled. “There is that. Okay, let’s talk about something else. Do Jerome and Sam really work for you?”

“Sure. Why?”

“I don’t know. They were very polite but they didn’t seem like typical motocross guys and I’m not sure why.”

He surprised her by looking away. “I, ah, have some employees that, ah...”

She put her feet on the floor and scooted to the edge of her seat. “What? Are they undercover cops or something?”

“No. They’re part of a program run by the state to help former felons find their way in society. I hire a couple of guys at a time in a work-release program.”

She felt her mouth drop open and carefully closed it. “Really?”

“You were never in any danger.”

“I never felt in danger. That’s really cool. So you’re helping them.”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

One shoulder rose and lowered. “I’ve been given a lot of opportunities. It seemed reasonable to give back.”

“Just like that?”

He nodded.

“Wow. Glen wouldn’t ever leave more than a twelve percent tip in a restaurant. It always bugged me. Sometimes I’d sneak back and leave a few dollars. How did you two get to be so different?”

“I have no idea.”