Bury Me(41)

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I’ll never let anything happen to you again.”

Hugging my knees to my chest in the grass, I stare blankly at the cluster of trees and wooded area a few yards in front of me—the place where this nightmare in my mind began and never seems to end.

I try to let the anger flow through me and ease the pain I feel in my chest, but it’s not working this time. I let my guard down, I let someone close, and this is my reward: more lies and more betrayal, just like always. Didn’t I already learn my lesson by trying to be my parents’ puppet, the good, perfect little daughter? I should have known better than to do the same with Nolan, trying to be a normal teenage girl with a normal, kind boy.

He’s not kind. He’s a liar, and I hate liars.

I hear a rustle in the trees to my left, someone pushing his way through the branches, leaves, and broken twigs on the ground. I see him emerge from the woods out of the corner of my eye, but I don’t look until he’s standing next to me, towering over me while I sit in the grass waiting.

He’ll regret it, just like everyone else. He’ll regret the lies and the betrayal and I’ll make sure it hurts so he can understand what it’s like to really feel pain.

“Sorry I’m late. I had some things to take care of at home,” Nolan apologizes.

I finally turn my head and look up at him. The sun is behind him, creating darkness and shadows that blot out his features, just like that night in the woods. He turns his body and the sun finally lights up his face. I look up at him and see him, just like that night.

“You’re a liar,” I whisper angrily, pushing myself up from the grass so I don’t feel so small and powerless sitting beneath him.

His eyes narrow and he shakes his head in confusion.

“You didn’t need to hear any gossip from the other workers about what happened here that night, because you were there,” I growl.

His eyes close, he lowers his head, and I can practically feel the guilt seeping out of his pores.

“Ravenna, please let me explain,” he says softly.

I ignore the pain in his voice and try not to think about how stupid I’ve been with him. How uncomfortable it made me feel to have someone finally be nice to me, and care for me. He never cared for me; he’s just like all the rest.

“You don’t have to explain. You’re a liar just like everyone else.”

His pale blue eyes look at me with sadness and regret but I refuse to be weakened this time. I’m a fighter, and he’s going to finally realize that.

“I’m sorry. Please, Ravenna, just let me—”

I cut off his anguished apology with a hard shove against his chest. He stumbles backward and I follow.

“Liar,” I snarl through clenched teeth, smacking my palms as hard as I can into his chest again before he has a chance to get his footing from the first shove.

His feet tangle together and he starts to go down, but rights himself at the last second. I want him down, beneath me where he belongs, so I can climb on top of him, wrap my fingers around his neck and squeeze. Squeeze until he’s clawing at my fingers and choking on his breath.

“RAVENNA, STOP!” he shouts, wrapping his hands around my wrists and pulling me roughly up against him.

I’m breathing heavily, the fire inside of me churning and growing, wanting to hurt him. Wanting to bring him pain so he knows what it feels like.

“I know you’re angry, but you have to let me explain,” he pleads. “I’m sorry I lied to you. You have no idea how sorry I am, but I had a reason. Please, just let me explain.”

I force my anger down to a simmer since I’m still not ready to show him how truly strange I am, no matter how much I hate him right now.

“I know you don’t trust me, but I need you to go somewhere with me,” he explains quickly when he realizes I’m allowing him to continue. “I promise, if you just let me show you something, you’ll understand why I did what I did.”

He slowly drops my wrists, holding his hands up in surrender. “Please, just come with me.”

Nolan turns and begins walking away from me, glancing over his shoulder with pleading eyes that urge me to follow. I grudgingly start walking a few feet behind him as he steps onto the overgrown path leading into the woods.

We walk in silence through the trees and memories of that dark, rainy night float through my mind, but still not enough for me to remember why I was running and whom I was running from.